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I love it when people don't know what the "3" in "Long Shutdown 3" means.

I cannot begin to adequately express my confusion

Most social media websites implement "outbound link suppression" to protect their ad revenue and discourage people from leaving the site. The side effect is that these places become echo chambers for people with ideas like this.

They saw somewhere that our minutes are 60 seconds again, not the 45 it's been since COVID. Was the somewhere Threads perchance?

Honestly should start a massive campaign to promote the idea that there is a machine making people angry and sad. And then we announce it's being turned off. Instant global happiness and utopia.

this have to be a fake psy op

CERN has a machine that’s 27 kilometres long in which the scientists smash particles together to try to understand them better. Turns out that the same sort of crazies that believed in HAARP and the covid vaccine being 5G nanites know about the Large Hadron Collider too.

I am your target audience. Thank you!

I did the same, and found an IFL Science article that actually screen shots this exact Bluesky thread lol

Oh, it's a lefty conspiracy theory nut's dream. The election takes are all kinds of out there. It's gorgeous.

Every so often I think about making a Threads account and then I see stuff like this and

It should conCERN us all.

Well yeah, it literally translates to “with CERN”

Whoa…

MUNDO CON CERN

or ONCE

The CON was CERN all along???

You have no idea how hard I'm resisting the urge to try find a better anagram than this. I'm not going to because deep down I know I can't, but it's like staring at the mona lisa and thinking "I could probably do that". It's my most toxic trait.

Woah 😦

you want me to post five links to Threads, so you can go read the exact messages I already screenshotted here with ALT text? why? amazing things happening on bluesky

Unfortunate. hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com

I love Threads so much 😂

Bootstrapping a text-based social network with illiterate Instagram commenters was truly visionary

There are days when I wish I was this stupid

I'd say "open the schools" but .....

The ignorance is frightening.

Oh for fuuuuuck's sake!

Is this why Musk wants to go to Mars? To escape the time dilation wormhole, or whatever, so he has more time with his money.

Giving Instagram people a primarily text based platform might have been a hilarious error.

Most humans are so fucking stupid. How did the Enlightenment ever happen? I know it's being dismantled now, but it happened.

I always knew those Swiss and French particle-accelerating bastards were responsible for the axial tilt.

You’re right. It does sound mad.

CERN has to be real

Someone needs to tell that person the birds around me are still chirping at night.

Guys - y'all dont realize it yet but this is the GOP platform in November.

From a windmill

People Think CERN Is Altering Time. We Are Not Convinced They Know What CERN Is www.iflscience.com/people-think...

Jesus wept.

I heard turning off the CERN brought Harambe back from the dead, too!

These people... slept through school and learned nothing, I guess? This is complete afactual confabulation of utter nonsense.

Hey I just met you And this is crazy But shut off CERN and oh my god the voices the voices.

ffs

😂

Threads is an amazing place (derogatory)

I used to wake up in a different parallel dimension every morning but no longer I guess. Just this same shitty one every day.

The minutes are too long! You have to turn it back on! We have to go back!!

And THIS is how you end up with Trump, RFKjr, et al

Hey, I've also had a headache since they shut it down. 🤔

Steins;Gate tried to warn us

‘My Little Pony: Science is Magic’ didn’t clear focus testing

An obvious reflection of the inability of the United States to educate its citizens.

I mean, most of those accounts are bots anyways. Would really worry about what's said over there. It's all noise.

Wait. Our minutes were only 45 seconds? No wonder my microwave popcorn wasn’t popping fully.

ReC3RN

Schrödinger’s France eh?

Not yet but my family’s been there multiple times.

“Call me crazy…” okay you’re crazy.

I so did not need to know about this nonsense

Wait til they find out it's coming back with "HIGH -LUMINOSITY" OMG!!!!

Well, crap! Now that they’ve turned off CERN, what can I possibly blame my quirky tendencies on? Wearing mismatched socks in public - CERN! Taking to strangers in coffee shops instead of staring at my phone - CERN! I got nothin’ now!

I didn't know it got shut down? :o I always feel horrible when the clocks change but especially around the longest day they should marry changing the clocks illegal, but also they should make it so that if you want to be summer timezone all the time you go to gulag

Holy shit.

Wait what’s happening? I’m lost. Why are the days longer supposedly?

I’m sure the longer days have absolutely nothing to do with it being summer or anything.

It's as though oligarchs own these platforms for the spread of ignorance that leads to more control. bsky.app/profile/cabe...

Is that real? Wow just wow. I try to think humanity as a whole isn't just dumb but wow here we are

Mass schizophrenia, pyon!

Every one of these having some level of traction is insane

a glimpse into the mind of the popular kid

CERN is so frfr rn

Gay time ovah? NAH...

😂🏆

What a bunch of weirdos.

60 minutes is now unwatchable

I hope these are jokes.

Holy shit, I just CAN'T believe there are people like this.

There's wikipedia for that en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CERN

I think that "mild frontal headache" didn't have anything to do with CERN

the threads are not okay

What if it changed the CERN-cumference of the globe? I'm just asking questions!

My friend in Chile has described exactly the opposite phenomenon. Is there a southern hemisphere CERN that just got switched on in the last few months?

I’m really gonna have to create an account here, huh. Yowza

She should write a book about it

45seconds minutes lol

"I saw somewhere that our minutes are actually 60 seconds long again after being 45 seconds since COVID" What an astonishing age we live in

Where have these airheads gotten this idea we have magic time distorting device?

"to" is redundant here.

They will believe anything as long as it's silly shit that didn't happen.

Like...the scientists with the supercollider?

Attention seeking to the max

Who are these idiots?

This made me crackle with delight, their brains, wow.

😂😂😂🤣……………ummm?, yeah?😳🤣

“(i saw somewhere that”—nothing good can come after this

The fact that people like this have drivers' licenses scares me to death every time I ride my bike.

Seriously. I've been trying to synthesize Goldblum thoughts of 98%+ purity for years and was getting nowhere until this.