VJmes 🐤

I wonder if after today DLP policies and vulnerability scanners will begin to flag anything with the number 4 in it as leaked key-material?

truly a wild time to be alive when the cryptography world is split between those worried about quantum computers and those whose private key is “4”

King shit right here 👑

Spectrum Allocation xkcd.com/3307/

We really doing the whole “web scraping is hacking” shtick again huh? 🫩

WHEN THERE’S TREASURE BEHIND THE WATERFALL: Oh wow. Yes, very clever! Waterfall treasure! No one’s ever done that before. Lazy jackass WHEN THERE’S NO TREASURE BEHIND THE WATERFALL: Wow. Too stuck-up to put treasure there huh? Too much of a fucking ICONOCLAST for that? Piece of shit. FUCK you

It is the year of our lord 2026 and both Windows 11 and MacOS don't include an in-built redaction button in their screenshot apps 🫠

Good morning @kurzgesagt.org - Is there a reason why your mailing list is being used to spread phishing emails currently? Might be worth a look at 👀

I’ll never get tired of pronouncing a Network ACL as a “nackle” and watching most folk stare at me like I’m a lunatic

I mean if you really want to hear Ed Sheeran without any opening acts you can simply get put on hold with your bank

Happy “AWS has billed me into poverty” day for all those who celebrate

Child me: “this video game is impossibly difficult” Adult me: “oh child me sucked”

James Bond: you think I haven’t faced death before? Supervillain: oh, I don’t expect you to die, Mr. Bond. I expect you to suffer. *opens travel funding reimbursement software I think you will find your motorboat rental and casino reservations especially complex James Bond: no. no. pls kill me

Oh you’re a privacy advocate huh? Name all the tracking cookies

Telling her “I know a place” and that place being an old WW2 fort filled with mannequins

A perfect example of how AI dumbs things down.

My most recent 30s-coded thing is being super sad that my favorite cooking store is closing down.

Everyone feeling nice and alerted now?

X (it's not Twitter any more and hasn't been in years) is the red state diner of the internet: the place lazy journalists go to get a sense of what they think "real" americans believe based on a ridiculously reductive and wrong definition of what it is to be a real american.

Lindsay Graham doing the honorable thing and going downstairs to speak in-person with Mitch McConnell

"Mommy, how long was the N64 account creation, multi-factor enrollment, update process, and new user experience when you got it on Christmas?" Matilda is distracted and scoots away, so missing your hand over the saucepan, wooden spatula shaking like a wet dog. Oh god. What world did we build?

You used to be able to google the time of the sunset, and Google would give you the exact time right on top every single time. Thankfully, with artificial intelligence, you can now ask Google what time the sun will set and it will conveniently tell you "I don't know."

This slop era is going to end so quickly. Churning out empty bullshit that nobody wants is only profitable until the algorithm exploit is patched. This was true in the SEO era, this was true in the You-Won't-Believe-What-Happened-Next Facebook optimization era, it will be true in the slop era too.

it’s cute people think “please allow ads on our site” will mean I turn off the ad blocker instead of closing the tab

For comparison, the JCPOA ('Iran Deal') payment that everyone in MAGA excoriates was $1.7bn. The $2m-per-ship toll regime on the Strait would generate at normal traffic something like $40bn *each year* for Iran (120 ships per day at $2m per split 50/50 with Oman).

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early astronaut: Office365 in spaceship nasa employee: what? astronaut: *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* Office365 in spaceship