Tickled Catastrophe

When we said to become ungovernable we should have been a lot more specific.

The owls are exactly as they seem.

it really is incredible how much of human technology relies on boiled dead horses and cows

sons of bibliography

I have roughly 350 burning embers inside my body at all times

thigh gap is what I call the time between eating pieces of chicken

Most arrangements are edible, including the ones made of eels.

And for my next trick *spontaneously combusts*

I have the kitchen pantry of a grandmother raised during the great depression *flirting*

I dream of electric sheep too but nobody ever asks about it

You've got this, you have no choice.

As you tell them of your sorrows and joys, they nod politely and think about a sandwich.

i threw caution into the wind. it did not like that

rage at the dying of the light, funk soul brother

Starting a Bluesky band called “The Skeets.”

One man and his duck called Boot a runner duck duckling

“Good to meet you” lied the introvert while dying inside.

Skipping joyfully in the fall has an entirely different feeling to it, especially in the old graveyard, even a zombie can pronounce tra la la and then it's cynicism that's dead

I’ll have you know, i am thriving in this dumpster fire

so distraught I tried leaping into a volcano but the kids at this science fair just look annoyed

Virgo: You will try to bring sexy back but it won’t work. Sexy has other, darker plans.

A little more filter... A little more... PERFECT

It’s an important developmental milestone, regardless of generation, to teach children to play the drum solo from “In the Air Tonight” on the steering wheel of a vehicle every time they hear it.

im a daytime midweek bowling alley ten.

looking to hire a murder of crows to murder one particular crow

Log me out unsafely, daddy

Giving my frenemies gift cards to a funeral home.

I don't actually like waking up with a cranberry bog in my head. I feel like it's too much of an invitation for people to come in and slosh around in their waders.

Two paths diverged in the woods, And I took the path most rooted.

nothing but net, baby youtube.com/shorts/UCckc...

All that Red Dead Redemption didn't prepare me for any of this shit

Watching Hocus Pocus outside with the moon.

Thank you to the driver of this Ford Explorer for making my day.

You have to believe it's already yours.

Me (texting): I'm afraid of aunts. Her: I think you mean ants. Me: No. Ones named Martha or Gladys in particular.

Not to be negative but I think a grand piano could fall on me like a cartoon and it wouldn't make a dent in how bad this day has been already