Dan Smith

“From the studio that brought you Zootopia” Sorry, what? This is what they’re known for now?

end-of-game FGs today: baylor-KU: KU blocks to win tenn-USC: USC makes to win BYU-UCF: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My brain cannot process the idea that we're not even halfway done. They are completely cooked, and also are just getting started. 641 days down, 820 to go

70 percent of the internet was vulnerable yesterday to very bad security flaws inside a coding language. Turns out, *one volunteer* is mostly responsible for maintaining that code & helping push updates. Yesterday Ondřej Surý saved the internet. So I called him up www.theatlantic.com/technology/2...

Mom Making Her Birthday All About Her https://theonion.com/mom-making-her-birthday-all-about-her/

AOC Tidies Up In Case Federal Agents Stop By For Raid https://theonion.com/aoc-tidies-up-in-case-federal-agents-stop-by-for-raid/

The name of New Mexico is funny because it's one of those things that you'd think is really simple (oh, it's it used to be part of old Mexico, so we'll call it New Mexico!), but it's much more complex New Mexico as the name for the area predates Mexico by several hundred years!

Every time I stop by Instagram I am surprised at how shockingly bad it is at displaying photos. (You know, the core function it theoretically exists to fulfill.) I don’t ask for much, just a photo on a black background, like every other app. Why is it so bad? Why do people put up with this?

Make The Onion Satire Again

When witches are cackling and telling you “Fire burn and cauldron bubble,” take a step back. Breathe. Those are normal things for fire and cauldrons to do. They’re trying to mess with you.

Announcing the merger with Titanic footage is an incredible bit

MapQuest has the opportunity to do the funniest thing

Maybe it was a mistake to give all the power to a bunch of people who don't really like people.

Most riveting thing I've seen all week

Incredible. First Secretary Mullin claimed that DHS had identified 15,903 noncitizens on Nevada’s voter roll. Then DHS officials told a skeptical Nevada, no no no, that’s just people we flagged. Here are the names of 185 people we KNOW aren’t citizens. All 185 were citizens. DHS got 100% wrong.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: is there a doctor on board FRANKENSTEIN: *starts to stand* DR FRANKENSTEIN: *pulls him back down* i think they mean me

Todd Achilles, a veteran running for U.S. Senate in Idaho as an independent, has a new ad about starting wars.

"The COVID-19 pandemic, which killed more than 47,000 New Yorkers, has inspired no such response ... Unlike the bereaved of 9/11, pandemic survivors who lost loved ones have no public place where they can share their griefs, receive recognition, and carry on with their lives. They deserve better."

This is my love language.

Payton Tolle is an absolute gem 😭

Came across this photo from a visit to Versailles. That’s Louis XIV in the middle. 300 years later, and our power-hungry narcissists are doing the same thing.

"Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." —Fred Rogers's mom

Never let a writer help you move

Periodic reminder that, for the last 13 years, you’ve been living in a world where we know how to make telepathic rats.

Because of global cuts to foreign aid, the Gates Foundation has predicted that 2025 will be the first year this century where child deaths will increase.

Just highlight one shady/illegal thing Paxton has done every day. Just one thing a day from here until the election. Well okay, maybe you’ll need to do two a day.

Kid's high school deciding to address too many competing messaging platforms by introducing a new one this year. Cool, cool.

“I’m especially good at expectorating” is Howard Ashman’s magnum opus.

a question that is bitterly dividing my household: are feet part of the leg?

[eating cereal for dinner] it's 9am somewhere

Got a good job down at the Data Center. I work on the line, and it's hard work but it's honest and the wage is fair; my family and I are grateful for it. I rivet the word "absolutely" onto the little apologies that chatbots do when they misunderstand a prompt.