Orion Woody

baseball is the only true American sport because to fully experience it is to like it and hate it simultaneously. it's beautiful and romantic and also chaotically stupid and infuriating and its traditions stretch back to a time of pastoral simplicity and also those traditions are dumb and annoying

Never forget what they took from you: The iPad hardware rotation lock button. I’m fine if they just use the iPhone’s action button and set it to rotation lock, I just want it back.

Favorite film in haiku: (Went with recent fave instead) Thirty-four days left, a lens that cannot see all, who is on first, then?

Need 8bitdo to do an improved Dreamcast controller like that N64 one.

Crazy people are calling You Can See Everything the movie of the year when Focker In-Law hasn’t come out yet.

"three Trek appearances on three different series" is the character actor equivalent of winning a batting title

Crash Bandicoot at Walmart when my dad was trying to get me to pick it over the N64 because all the magazines said the PlayStation was much better. But the siren song of Diddy Kong Racing was too much for me to resist.

[as they’re wheeling me back into the nursing home] “OK, but it’s still CRAZY they aired the 50th anniversary special for Saturday Night Live on a Sunday.”

Wish I was this guy 🖌

driving my tesla roadster, i ask grok to schedule a dentist appointment. it generates a gothic anime version of the dentist’s receptionist with huge tits that asks me if i want a cleaning. i get so hard my neuralink activates the tesla’s thrusters and i slam 90 mph into a wall killing me instantly

I’ve said this many times, but the WNBA ball is just better because it looks so sick when it spins.

If the Dodgers want to be a championship level team, they need to be willing to actually spend money on their players.

I know this won’t be a popular opinion on here, but it’s time we all went back to Renner App. Yes it got bad on there after Jeremy was crushed to death by that snowplow, but now you’ll see far more celebrations of Jeremy’s life than discussions of the specific mechanics of his brutal pulverisation

the lesson of the Civil War is that aesthetic warrior-cult societies get their shit rocked by schoolteachers and store clerks who'd much rather be doing anything else

Liberty Biberty has barricaded himself inside a courtroom in Clark County Family Court. Eight confirmed hostages, including the judge overseeing his custody dispute. Situation is fluid

What's Retroid got against putting an analogue stick *above* the D-Pad?

Someone at the New York Times HATES animation.

always thinking about *her*

I think it’s extremely healthy to have a love-hate relationship with your autistic special interest. Like I love to obsess over this thing to an insane degree and doing that brings me joy but also I hate it and it should be criminalized. Anyway, SNL’s back this week.

sometimes I get bored and cancel myself on Threads by saying whatever the fuck

Still holding out hope that PC component prices stabilize so I can build a NAS before society collapses. But I feel like we’re on track for society to collapse *before* prices stabilize.

xavier: the only way we can stop magneto is to suck his dick... but he's a hundred feet in the air! gloryhole, the mutant who can create small portals anywhere on earth but only next to human penises: it's ok, professor. i used to want to be normal, but now i see i was meant for more than that

After watching Master and Commander last night, I do feel that we should bring back, “You forget yourself sir!”.

Remember when there was a moral panic over children’s literacy rates because of SMS texts? As if we weren’t using 9 buttons or charged per message?

I guess I see why there’s been a slow migration back to Twitter, not enough people left in the first place. But my hang up is, that even once you look past the fascism, the Twitter is fucking horrendous to use now. Anytime I open a link, I get flashbanged by how awful it is.

Me: I’d like a slice of pizza Server: that comes with three sides Me: I know what shape it is

You know who never accepted a Polymarket sponsorship when they were a player? That's right: Michael Jordan. Is it because Polymarket didn't exist when he was a player? Sure. Would he have accepted an endorsement deal with them if he could've? Almost certainly. But still!

Kid was asking some pointed questions about how babies are born which led to me drawing the best picture I’ve drawn in my life

I'll grant you, I'm a sketch comedy dork, but Studio 60 is the only Sorkin show I really enjoy. At it's most compelling, it's Sorkin writing about his addiction struggles while making The West Wing. At its least compelling, it's about sketch comedy saving America.

God the frustration of a feed automatically refreshing just as you glimpse at something you might be interested in. It’s worse for BlueSky where there’s no way to just search your timeline like Tweetbot used to.

Let’s goooooo

trying to make new friends as an adult

i think this is the best epitaph for bin laden i have ever seen

I like the idea of redoing them in a modern style because we're in an entirely new era and the iconography should reflect that. But I do not like this iOS 7 ass design. Also the animation in the trailer looked rooouuugghh

Wordle Scores 1: My starting word has finally been chosen. Farewell my friends, I go off to a better place. 2: Holy fucking shit I’m a Wordle God 3: Let’s fuckin’ goooooo 4: Awe fuck me 5: I’m the dumbest motherfucker alive 6: Throwing John Wordle in a river for that word X: Illiterate

Behold, the best 9/11 humor of all time: The Onion's TV listings (my favorite row is MTV)

Tried: "AAA games are too expensive to be mid." Wired: "AAA games are mid because they're too expensive."

feeling increasingly annoyed and disrespected when receiving playful warnings that I have too much email from the email company that got me to sign up for email with them by promising they would have room for all my email forever

As a testicular cancer survivor who’s gotta be on two medications listed in here, I hate all the maxxing shit so much.

Peter Falk's self-portraits as Columbo

Someone could write an awesome book on the evolution of American politics over the past two decades centered around the divergence of Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla

"no one wants a folding phone" no, they didnt want a folding android phone "no one needs a folding phone" yes, but they will buy an apple folding phone accept these as facts now or you will inevitably make yourself insane when they sell lots of these

what zelda will look like in 2026

Wait, let them cook.

Your last four saved characters on your phone are your D&D party.