The Poopsmith

ⓘ This user does not want serious replies to their joke posts

Let’s play a guessing game. I call it “mud or whatsit?”. The shovel holder gets a scoop of either brown glop. The guesser has 30 seconds at 2 meters to inspect then guess. If right take the shovel by the handle and it’s your turn. If wrong you must step on the scoop and the next guesser is up.

The King of Town has all the food and he’s not sharing. I’m going to be working double shifts for a goodly while.

Learn something new every day. This opinion had never occurred to me before reading your take.

I was protesting and they sprayed people with pepper spray. When they got to me they switched to carpet and upholstery deodorizer. It was very humiliating and I went home.

Can you do that doo doo that you do so well?

Today is going to be a crappy day. 🪏💩

Hey everybody! Come look at what I found in the whatsit pile. I think they’re gold nuggets. Nope. The King of Town ate his cuff links again.

Homestar song virused me this morning. All day at work I’m either singing or thinking: 🎶 Everybody, everybody🎵

Please stay out of my personal space. The smell is intolerable. We don’t want to have this conversation in public and risk embarrassing anyone.

Fullslab Oribsius

The truth will set you free. I’m encircled by a ring of whatsit. Truth is I can barely keep up with the output from the castle. So, I keep shoveling.

I have a shovel, a mound of whatsit and an Internet cafe at the bodega in town. That and a git repo makes me a DevOps engineer.

A bird gifted me some guano on my head today. Lucky for me that I was working and had my shovel handy to scrape it off.

My wrestling name is Scoops and my finisher is a secret, but it involves clumping litter.

If I could put time in a bottle I would not save every minute for you. Instead, I would probably go drinking with Dr. Steven Strange.

JD Vance is what you get when Emperor Palpatine impregnates an Ewok.

I found a quarter on the ground at work today. Not sure if someone dropped it or The King of Town ate and digested it. Either way, I doubled my income that hour.

2-handed overhead shovel throwing is a sport, right? Because I’m goin’ be a world champion.

I returned to work today after a few days out sick. Needed to rent a backhoe from Bubs to catch up as the whatsit pile became a mound in my absence.

omg guys i'm scared

The new whatsit pile is almost connected to the old pile. They’ll merge soon and it will just be “the pile” again. No, that is not an analogy about the presidency. I really do work on a couple of mounds of waste.

President Carter and I share a love for a good shovel. I’ll miss having him around.

In the hopes that others would pick up my favorite pastime I got everyone a dozen cow chips for Christmas. We can all throw cow chips competitively now.

Everyone has a matching set of holiday themed pajamas here. I sure hope no one posts pictures of me in my kerchief, cap and reindeer print nightgown.

I will not be crossing the picket lines of the Amazon workers strike. My shovel and I stand with union workers. #amazon #strike

It’s a grey, wet day. Yes, we all still have to go to work today.

A shovelling I will go A shovelling I will go Hi ho the whatsit pile-o My spade ne’er turns slow

IHNJIJLTS, you may now refer to me as @poopsmith.me

When the King of Town makes a new proclamation and people are discussing the consequences I am often lost and confused. News trickles in slowly when you spend your day with a shovel in your hands working a pile of feces.

Everyone poops*. No matter if you’re agender, cisgender, or transgender it all ends up in the same pile I diligently clear. You are always welcome in Free Country, USA. * Colostomy havers are still welcome to dump their bags onto the pile.

Don’t forget about those apples on the counter. They’re ripe now. Maybe make us a nice pie or cobbler?

Texas Bans Sale Of Luggage To Pregnant Women theonion.com/texas-bans-s...

The wind is at my back this morning. It's going to be a good day. I may skip my afternoon clothespin to the nose. 👃⛔

Where did my weekend go? If anyone finds it please bring it to me over by the pile.

them: whatcha thinkin about *pondering historical shifts in the pronunciation of the word shit* me: vowel movements

Anyone interested in 9 m^3 of slightly chewed turkey carcasses?

A random person comes up to you with $100 if you can sing a whole song, correctly from beginning to end in the next 10 seconds then starts a countdown timer. How do you respond?

audited code !== secure code

Today I shovel so that tomorrow I have less to shovel.