Cosmically Funny

Me: I got the zoomies. Psychologist: That's not a healthy way to describe a manic episode.

Arrogant sounds like a type of leafy greens.

Samurai is short for Samuelurai.

Band name: Psychedelic Balls

it’s not candy, it’s halloween food

Girlfriends don't like it when you call the hair in the shower drain her she shed.

The Great Gladiator: Testicles

I don’t want to start any blasphemous rumors But I think that god is a fucknut boomer

Live life like a giraffe on the gallows.

Make sure to brush your conservative party to prevent truth decay.

Trump is obsessed with asses because ass recognizes ass.

American cheesecake is made in a factory. Old World cheesecake is born.

I need a sex change. I need to go from not having sex to having some.

I'm not afraid of an asteroid. What do I look like? A dinosaur?

A badly wiped ass is a sandwich.

I want to high five you in the pussy with my dick.

Doctor Pepper is a fizzition.

Today's vibe is spycraft.

If you can eat an octopus, you can eat a dolphin.

Worth a try...

Don't forget to worship the Swiss cheese.

I want to high five you in the pussy with my dick.

A badly wiped ass is a sandwich.

Is eating cremated remains still cannibalism? I need to get my will right.

I'm not afraid of an asteroid. What do I look like? A dinosaur?

I'm a professional sinner.

WHO ELSE AGREES?! 🤚✨

*gives everyone running from the hurricane X-Lax for a smooth evacuation*

Ukraine should annex Moscow.

You wouldn't grab Tony the Tiger by the pussy...

I need a sex change. I need to go from not having sex to having some.

I think I deserve a spot in the bunker as entertainment value.

There are only two options. Either the Dems win and take power reasonably easily, or there is no more USA.

The majority of those who call themselves Christian are evil as fuck.

I'm fucking charming, asshole!

Today's vibe is headless.

I don't know any racial slurs for an Indian but Vivek Ramaswamy is one.

make a movie edible Baklava the Future

Doctor Pepper is a fizzition.

My boyfriend after swimming in cold water

Them: This isn't a grenade launcher, it's a big slingshot. Me: *pulling the pin out of grenade*

If you pull on someone's septum ring, their pin will come out, and their head will explode.

I saved a bunch of time and just burned the bridge factory.