Richard

No, thanks.

they should sing Take Me Out to the Ball Game right at the start so i don't spend six and a half innings trying to figure out how many strikes you're allowed to have

meditation

I'm confident I could leave the Hotel California at any point.

Imagine you pour your heart out to your therapist and you find out he wojaked you

Me: The old man's slide into dementia was televised in real time. And the nation got to laugh at it in a mean way Grandson: That sounds awesome... What's the catch Me: He was president of the United States of America. Grandson: Wow. Ruthkanda forever ✊🏻 Me: It's great you kids are still saying that

NO - dashare.zone ADMIN

it's cool that you can send "STOP" to instantly block an automated political fundraising text message so they have to text you from a different number five minutes later

“i get no credit…i’m the one who looks at their asses and i get no credit”

"big guys, great asses, tears in their eyes "sir...sir" they pleaded "please take this cognitive test again sir" and what am i going to do refuse have u seen their asses"

If it wasn't for disavowal, I wouldn't have ANY avowals!

My girl warming up some hot pockets

I will never imagine Sisyphus happy

Most stuff is weak to lightning if we are being honest with ourselves

Ever since I watched the movie Jaws, I’ve been terrified of swimming in the ocean with a canister of compressed air in my mouth.

hillbilly junction billboard 1, route 60, willow springs, missouri, 1979

describing hot and sour soup as a dish "within the Chinese idiom"

everyone shut the fuck up I'm about to pull twins

“you can see everything” should have been called “you can see the movie.” as a matter of fact, that should be the title of every movie

Just used AI to vibe code a new religion and now I’m head priest of the Temple of Big Naturals

driving my tesla roadster, i ask grok to schedule a dentist appointment. it generates a gothic anime version of the dentist’s receptionist with huge tits that asks me if i want a cleaning. i get so hard my neuralink activates the tesla’s thrusters and i slam 90 mph into a wall killing me instantly

so much reasoning about what people will do based on what they have done is so bad, so obviously motivated reasoning, that i am frequently tempted to deny all inferrable causality between past and future. but of course, i know i can't live like that either.

That's what I'm saying

This is literally just the plot for the movie Alien

If you’ve spent years and years of your life not knowing what the sunk-cost fallacy is, it’s probably not worth learning it now.

rest in peace

Is there such a thing as gay dementia

uh hold on some weird guys have such sights to show me, call ya back

I always thought Osama bin Laden's attitude to the world trade center actually said a lot more about him than about the world trade center

it’s rude of them to play the canadian national anthem before hockey games in canada, considering i’m american

i invented a new tech product that lets its user upload their consciousness to heaven instantly. im naming it the gun.

A friend of mine shrunk his kids, and had to tell his wife

If my "honey" shrunk the kids, I'm pretty sure we'd be beyond 'terms of endearment' at that point. Call them children