Biscuits (Chad Noonien Singh)

Going back to 1992 to get a cheesesteak and a bottle of Dom at Miami Subs

Dermatologist: There’s extensive scarring on your arms and hands, do you work outside? Me: I have an orange cat

Twitter is where people advocate slavery but you get jailed for saying someone should beat slavers’ asses

By now, asteroid 2026 Dreadstone has impacted the Indian Ocean, sparking a firestorm not seen on this planet since the K–Pg Extinction Event. Most people just want to be with their families. Here are three ways effective business leaders can leverage targeted KPIs to turn tragedy 😔 into triumph 💪

You’d think a man who turned into salami would consider a career outside the culinary industry. Seems risky for someone of his nature.

Christmas movies on Great American are like Hallmark without the sexual tension

I'm not saying life is a vicious circle. But it may be a cruel rhombus. Or a callous trapezoid. At the very least, life is a bloodthirsty parallelogram

As we celebrate Awareness Month, please share this if you know anyone, or know anyone who knows anyone.

Elmo is a Trotskyite

A reunion tour with Capaldi channeling Malcolm Tucker would be awe inspiring

I drink whiskey. Write drunk, edit sober.

Terminator starts promisingly, being about two naked men on a quest for some trousers, but then goes off in a different direction that isn't as interesting.

Guess we’re gonna find out if you can stop fascists with mockery alone

F A men create F O times

Computers that will remember us

Anytime I see a JK Rowling naming joke, I think of the person who posted a few years ago that they were mad about no Latino characters until they realized that person would have been called something like Yardwork Jimenez.

I am calling upon the people of Ireland to immediately begin construction of a thread on this site about how you or someone you know was roasted for a fashion choice. We need it. All roasts must have come from Irish people *only*. Please respect this important rule, it makes a difference. Tanks

I’m halfway through season 2 of NOBODY WANTS THIS and my main takeaway is that all Millennials should die

At one point Michael Flatley (playing retired spy Victor Blackley) takes off one jauntily angled hat only to be handed another. This to me is cinema.

Fantastic Four: First Steps spoiler . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Okay so everyone in the Fantastic Four, even H.E.R.B.I.E., has seen Sue Storm’s hoohah

In Icelandic we have 'Ókind' for monster. But the translation is un-sheep. So everything not a sheep is dangerous.

We used to make things in this country. Like cereal designed to stop you whacking off or visiting prostitutes.

Trump is about two weeks from scheduling public executions at the White House

Got a new robot vacuum and I’m naming it Peanut Hamper after my favorite person of silicon

In the Hallmark Christmas Universe, everyone suffers an attack of retrograde amnesia at least once in their lives

It must be so cool to be one of those English aristocrats who gets something named after them, like the Earl of Sandwich or the Duke of Wanking or Lady Dumperton

A friend told me his CPAP gives him gas and I think he’s using it wrong

The adoption documents a dog rescue makes you sign should be called prepuptial agreements

I am so proud of the nearly 7 million No Kings protesters who filled the streets across America to protest Trump. And video of the No Kings protests around the globe was amazing to watch. 💙 #ProudBlue #Pinks #TrumpIsUnfitForOffice

WALTER LANTZ: what should i name my cartoon bird ANIMATOR: boner bonedick WALTER LANTZ: what no ANIMATOR: stiffy stiffwang WALTER LANTZ: absolutely not ANIMATOR: woody woodpecker WALTER LANTZ: i love it

Idea: Hair dryer that’s also an air fryer

Johnny Deppeche Mode

When I was frightened my Nanna would sit next to my bed, rub my back and whisper, "Shhh, ghosts aren't for real Jack." Which would have made me feel better if she hadn't died before I was born.

In a few short years, JD Vance went from calling Donald Trump "America's Hitler" to defending republicans who say, "I love Hitler." You can't shame people for hypocrisy when they have neither shame nor values.

“An escalator cannot fail. It can only become stairs.”

I love AI

the grim reaper driving a taxi full of meats and cheeses makes it a death cab for charcuterie.

A robot in the mafia is a man made made man

hardly any floppy disks remain from shakespeare times

The Judgement of Heaven