Charlie Alzamora

Sorry for moaning so loudly while perusing the dessert menu

i'm worried bsky's been sending the skeet money to my old address. i haven't been paid for this in months

I’m not eating cookie dough at 3 am you’re eating cookie dough at 3 am

shoutout to all of us who survived our ankle injuries after sporting these in the late 90s

there's plenty of room on this pole for everyone's freak flag

Make a band edible: Soylent Femmes

Costco should give free samples at the pharmacy too

Let me just slip into something more comfortable (Hops into a cremation chamber)

Hold me closer, reply guy romancer

Hot take: “Glizzy” is an awful word that should not be permitted anywhere near our food.

Can’t. I’m watching Once Upon a Time in Mexico with my dogs.

Mold-mannered.

I should probably be more worried about feeling notifications in my pocket since my phone is still charging in the other room.

My train of thought just wrecked

i have given a name to my pain, and it is any minor inconvenience

Live, love, laugh, cramp in your calf

This handsome fella won our local Petco costume contest today. 🎃🧡

How many dang, that’s crazy’s before you get the hint

I’m putting surgical masks on my Crocs so they don’t get any sicker yo

Bro are you even fly, for a white guy?

Confession: I’m among the tiny minority of people who contain no wolves at all. Yes, I suffer from advanced wolflessness.