Blather Wince Repeat

Another impossible beauty standard for women

A great drinking game I invented: Take a slug every time one of your friends or family says, "Jack we're worried about you."

I was insane to give my child a haunted doll, 15% off or no 15% off.

I'm finished playing stupid games. I seem to recall some mention of stupid prizes..?

If you don't know the answer to a question in a job interview, it's fine to just say that. Repeatedly.

The Manor House in Castle Combe, Wiltshire sits in the heart of the Cotswolds, a region preserved since the medieval wool trade collapsed into a landscape of honey-stone manors and timeless gardens. IG: @thetimeless.heritage

I get the impression that in olden times, when there wasn't much to do, people spent a lot of time thinking about geese.

A watercolor that I made #art #watercolor #painting #illustration

Honk if you love blowing your nose.

My inner hostility comes out in funny ways sometimes. Sorry about your car.

Dumping all my old refrigerator poetry magnets into the KoanStar machine at Kroger

Folks just don’t dial M for Murder anymore.

Saw a huge spider in my girlfriend's apartment. Rolled up her copy of “Tarantula Owner” magazine and made my approach.

I'm sorry I keep trying to stick a refrigerator magnet to your nose ring. I'll *try* to stop.

When the first Rubik's Cube came out we were stunned by the mechanics of the thing. That high lasted for about fifteen minutes.

Ok, grab your kazoos.

I’m gonna tell my kids this was ABBA.

Jeff & John THE BIG LEBOWSKI (1998)

On the late 1800s, Dallas businessmen dreamed of making their city a major shipping port connected to the Gulf of Mexico. In 1893, the 113-foot steamboat H. A. Harvey, Jr. arrived from Galveston after a journey of two months and ten days. Dallas threw a grand celebration.

Don't sweat. If you have no talent and fail at everything, you can always get a well paying job in the administration.

The truth needs to sleep fully dressed and in running shoes.

There are seven remotes on the coffee table at your parent's home. Which one do you use for the VCR, which one do bludgeon yourself with, which one do you consume whole?

ME: It's a show about a private detective who's obsessed with his weight PRODUCER: Keep talking ME: called Magnum BMI HIM: Get out

Watching our old top-loader evoked a dramatic, tumultuous storm at sea; I loved it. Our new high-efficiency (HE) washer, however, doesn’t agitate so much as brood; less a torrent, more a halting, moist heave.

I miss the kinds of movies they made when I was a kid. Simple, relatable stories about breakdancing.

Do I regret the thousands of dollars I've spent on essentially inedible hot sauces with funny names? Yes.

“Hurry up, Arnold! The wolf just took down your brother’s house and it looks like he’s headed this way!”

I hate processing information in a calm and healthy manner. I should be able to explode it with my mind.