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non-white dude doesn't speak english doing day labor? good luck with that ICE would totally disappear him he'd also be really confused why people think there were some kind of exceptions to THOU SHALT NOT KILL

No, I pretty sure it will be to wrap himself in an American flag, rip a .50 cal from its mount and mow down all the wokes and poors while a bald eagle screeches overhead. 🇺🇸🤘

His exact words were, "Fuck this for a game of soldiers, I'm going back on the tools, bruv." JC was from West London.

He's not here anymore. He's getting beaten by settlers in the West Bank.

Nailed it.

Does this mean Billy Bob Thornton has actually been Jesus all along?

He makes the best cabinets and bed frames 10/10 would buy Jesus brand again

Verily I say unto thee.... I am actually coming back as a ninja, and I am delivering food.

Phew, its gonna take a miracle to afford the price of this custom cabinetry

‘With the Father, Son and Holy Ghost, I can measure twice and cut once’

He's gonna make the coffins ⚰️

I love this for them! Take the road less travelled Jesus 👊🏼

Romam eo iterum lignum faciens

He’ll build the affordable homes that the government won’t!

I feel like Jesus would do this ngl, he seems like the kind of person who would do that.

Exactly the Jesse I was thinking of 😂

it's supply side jesus

Adds "All I do is hustle."

They would

🌗

Multiplication of timber miracle

His stuff is really expensive. He makes everything out of sandalwood

The housing crisis needs a savior.

There's nothing left to save down here. But the US will need a good carpenter for all those caskets in the near future 😞

Union

Today’s trade union are direct descendants of the trade guilds dating back well before the time of Christ. Jesus was an apprentice under his father Joseph.

“Call Jesus, he will nail your project!”

Tell him to avoid Home Depot, anyone from Bethlehem is too brown and will be abducted by ICE.

Problem is no one can afford lumber or any other fucking thing these days, so unless he can teach me how to turn water into wine to help me get through this endless nightmare, he's worthless.

Also, he really wants his cup back.

He also sent a cease and desist letter to Hegseth.

Not going on speaking tours in a designer seamless tunic, Hermes sandals, and being bankrolled by cultural hijackers. No, Sir! That's his thing. He loves suffering for us.

Was he a good carpenter?

I need some work done. Send him over here.

I do need some closet shelves…

Looks like he's gonna insert an imaginal disk in this picture and say hello to the purest him

The Crown Molding of Righteousness adds a nice touch

And he will probably go back to the religion he was born with and the one he died with... Judaism.

🤣

It's his passion

he doesn't look Jewish.

And he will be well tanned

😂👍🏼

I bet me makes a splinter e group

Return limited to North Carolina. Acquisition target already identified. "Will it be you?"

Or rape him.

. too late! .

What do you mean ? A brown guy from the middle east with a Hispanic name, talking about loving your neighbor and being charitable and kind? Trump would nail him back on the cross and every MAGA voter would hand him the spikes.

Free estimates? In this spiritual economy?

“Medamnit! Why does this keep happening to Me?!?”

And if he drops that pencil? It will roll right off of the roof. That's why carpenters pencils ✏️ are rectangular.

You never know when you may need to pull a John Wick on somebody.

I prayed for an all wood Dutch modern bedframe...

I mean, we really need carpenters and affordable housing right now.

I’m right here! I will help everyone, once I get the basic help that I need! Until then, y’all bitches are on your own! And all y’all are fucking up badly!

White Jesus doesn't know what a carpenter's pencil is.

Man, with this economy he is choosing a bad time.

He must do something with his hair, though. If a loose strand gets caught up in a power tool, complaining to FATHER afterwards might not solve anything.

😂

For his first miracle, He will make 2x4s actually equal 2" by 4" again.

Whesus?

I only hire guys that can Deliver on time. Will he?

Hey, these days a good contractor does VERY well -

This is exactly like when Andre 3000 dropped a flute album a couple years back.

"my work here is not done, that work referring exclusively to launching a new line of wardrobes and dresser-drawers"

I do joinery. Will I be alright?

I guess he is planning to bring chisel to make sure sarve off that extra layer of fake Christianity.

I don't blame him. Getting nailed to a stick makes a guy bitter at the world.

Jesus actually works in retail and doesn’t do returns

Coffins ?

OMG! 😂😂😂 I 🖤💜 The Onion.

In unrelated news, Trent Reznor announces new Nine Inch Nails album.

Put an AirTag on him

Specializing in joinery carpentry ONLY, thank very much.

He has the wrong kinda pencil too.

Building crosses, right?

He’d like to spend more time with his family.

Great. Because I need a new patio deck, and I prefer to be miraculously level.

Thank You! So hard to find an honest contractor these days. Some advice: Stay away from Home Depot parking lots.

You know who else was a carpenter? Georg Elser.

I need new cabinets.

I can sling some Romex for him, if he'd have me.

Booming buisness.

I’d like that. What is the meaning of life messia? Sorry mate, that’s my old job.

PROUD UNION MAN

We will have to make up a Roman Denarius to Euro converter if he respawns in the Vatican

Good. That will help fill the hole created by deporting skilled Mexican workers.

Undercover boss at a Christian nationalist based construction company

LOL. The Onion never disappoints.

Jesus looking like Jeff from accounting

Don't look to me to fix all your fuck ups.

Ultimate Influencer Rebrands.

carpentery or being a OF model are my guesses, or both