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Would love to see the numbers on who launches which on boot. This is some Simpsons race car bed boasting.

We take half the time to do 1/100th of the work. How about that Chet?

Which I guess, to be fair, the steam client these days is probably a little over-featured and I think "we start faster than the thing that has too many features" is valid... ...when it's not coming from Tim Sweeney, anyway

A day before this article btw

it's so hard to tell these days

That’s like four frames on a 60Hz display! If I restore from notification area five times per day every day for my entire life, that’s most of three hours of my life. Assuming I started when I was born.

Especially considering how they describe it as "light on features" and then turning around to brag about launch times? Tim must be absolutely fuming for them to put out something as ultimately embarrassing as this.

5 seconds from cold start to store is still horrible. it should take 100ms

Steam input has basically locked me to steam, I'm so used to that level of controller control, and i don't wanna go back

I don't the launch speed is the issue people have with the epic game store

It's between that and opening with "Programming is hard so we vibecoded" I was sure that was a Smarmy interpretation when I saw someone say it and then you look at the release page and no that's just literally what they say

Oh man I could've used that .06 seconds to flip off Tim Sweeney.

I got sent a quote someone posted on twatter to that and not only is it cherrypicked(ofc) it also falls crumbling apart when you try to open the fucking library vxtwitter.com/ArchiveAnon/...

Someone also discovered that the vibecode implemented Proton into the app for Linux.

Also I would no longer trust my payment info on Epic Store. I checked my own account and removed my Linked PayPal. Its no longer safe to use as far as I am concerned.

Big fan of how this article opens with "Programming is hard. So, instead of doing that, we vibe coded a new Epic Games Launcher" because it reads like an edit someone made to take the piss out of them on social media but no, that's actually what it says.

It takes me zero seconds to open Epic cause i don't and never will

Its gotta be, like, corporate slide decks in the training corpus. 50,000 tech proposal PowerPoint presentations can't be wrong!

The website for s&box is clearly slop, not just because of the aesthetic, but because nothing fuckin' works.

the systray timer is so funny, my .05 seconds

Currently my time to open the Epic Games Launcher is zero seconds because it's been months since I even looked at it.

Wish it was less RAM heavy like it used to be in the earlier days. Would love a company that allowed you to eject useless features you arent using.

haha perfect

this is a bit in the weeds, but i'm pretty sure they compared it to Steam on an IPv4 connection. the Steam client is able to log in about 6 seconds faster on an IPv6 connection

The second one is especially embarrassing. Like, *this* is the best they could come up with? Literally "restoring from system tray to library" ~1 frame faster (assuming 60hz monitor), whatever the fuck this metric is.

They're writing for an audience of gamers, the stupidest rubes on Earth. It makes total sense to use bogus metrics and deceptive graphs when you're playing to the eagerest suckers who were ever born