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I would never demand a password to any account or device, and that is certainly a red flag, but I need to be able to continue paying rent and addressing our mutual, shared, legally indistinct financials. I don't need to exercise power of attorney to do this, nor is that desirable for either of us?

this will be even more acute when we have kids together. like seriously, this man has my social security number. he is obligated to give it in order for me to have health insurance. we have shared accounts. we are both on this lease. it would be *very* cost/time consuming to dissolve this union.

if you don't consent to your financial and legal obligations being closely tied like this then you *really* should not marry someone, and you certainly should not have kids with them. obviously you can be a controlling partner! and that does happen. I don't think you should *demand* things.

it's just a very weird set of priorities imo. like, my wife spent a few nights caring for our daughter alone when i was at a conference. the idea that i'd trust her with that but not with my phone passcode is… pretty wild lol

Why not share credentials to those shared things? A shared vault in a password manager makes that trivial

that is exactly what we do

The idea of being reliant on technology as the trust boundary in a relationship is so bleak. If I felt uncertain about my wife having my phone PIN, I would be at the courthouse getting papers.

yeah same. we've gone long past the point where what we need is a divorce if this is a concern

Doll has been with its wife for 10 years and we have never ever had a legitemate reason to share passwords/pins or credentials.

witchsky.app/profile/did:...

like idk this seems like you have severely, to your detriment, misunderstood the marriage contract and are equating wildly different behaviors.

lowkey did this at some point and it was such ass how do you like like that lol

like what? married?

like maybe I've just only dealt with immature people but like idk I could never cope with the idea that we had to find consensus on where the salt was palced in the kitchen etc and that at scale basically omg such a burden