Simon Abrams, King of the Witches

Simon Abrams, King of the Witches

@simonsaybrams.bsky.social

Film Critic at Roger Ebert dot com, New York Times, New Yorker, Hollywood Reporter, Village Voice, The Wrap, Vanity Fair, and so on. Author of THE NORTHMAN: A CALL TO THE GODS (Insight Editions). Alt weekly kid. Let the monkey drive.

5.2K followers340 following12.2K posts

Simon Abrams, King of the Witches
@simonsaybrams.bsky.social

Mostly packed before tomorrow’s move, though there’s still some stuff left to pack, of course. Trying to convince Jene that the best part of the move is when the movers are either putting stuff in or out of the truck and all we have to do…is find a nearby spot for breakfast.

Simon Abrams, King of the Witches
@simonsaybrams.bsky.social

Is the video for ELO’s “Don’t Bring Me Down” secretly directed by Rob Zombie? A case could be made. (red lighting, uncomfortably close & eccentrically framed, occasional fog machine activity, harsh front lighting, sometimes a neon hot dog sign appears, sexy cartoon marching band cartoon lady, etc)

Simon Abrams, King of the Witches
@simonsaybrams.bsky.social

Is the video for ELO’s “Don’t Bring Me Down” secretly directed by Rob Zombie? A case could be made. (red lighting, uncomfortably close & eccentrically framed, occasional fog machine activity, harsh front lighting, sometimes a neon hot dog sign appears, sexy cartoon marching band cartoon lady, etc)

Simon Abrams, King of the Witches reposted

Simon Abrams, King of the Witches
@simonsaybrams.bsky.social

KUNG FU SOCCER! Stephen Chow—and three co-directors, 10 screenwriters, and half a budget’s worth of AI animation—attempt a sequel to Chow’s SHAOLIN SOCCER. It made $1.86 billion this past summer, but is it any good? Sadly, no! More @ebertvoices.bsky.social: www.rogerebert.com/reviews/kung...

rogerebert.comKung Fu Soccer: AI fumbles make Stephen Chow sequel feel downright foulThere’s just enough of Chow’s loopy wordplay and physical comedy to make “Kung Fu Soccer” a real disappointment.
Simon Abrams, King of the Witches
@simonsaybrams.bsky.social

Yeah.

RogerEbert.com@ebertvoices.bsky.social

"The soccer scenes are especially disappointing, though, since the filmmakers’ use of AI only creates a disturbing Uncanny Valley effect." @simonsaybrams.bsky.social reviews KUNG FU SOCCER:

rogerebert.comKung Fu Soccer: AI fumbles make Stephen Chow sequel feel downright foulThere’s just enough of Chow’s loopy wordplay and physical comedy to make “Kung Fu Soccer” a real disappointment.
Simon Abrams, King of the Witches
@simonsaybrams.bsky.social

After a handful of failed attempts*, I’m finally seeing Thee Osees live tomorrow. I’ll likely be happy regardless of what they play, but am hopeful they’ll work in some ABOMINATION REVEALED AT LAST material. *had tickets, got depressed, stayed home

Simon Abrams, King of the Witches
@simonsaybrams.bsky.social

KUNG FU SOCCER! Stephen Chow—and three co-directors, 10 screenwriters, and half a budget’s worth of AI animation—attempt a sequel to Chow’s SHAOLIN SOCCER. It made $1.86 billion this past summer, but is it any good? Sadly, no! More @ebertvoices.bsky.social: www.rogerebert.com/reviews/kung...

rogerebert.comKung Fu Soccer: AI fumbles make Stephen Chow sequel feel downright foulThere’s just enough of Chow’s loopy wordplay and physical comedy to make “Kung Fu Soccer” a real disappointment.
Simon Abrams, King of the Witches
@simonsaybrams.bsky.social

And in case any of you question my dedication to sparkle motion: bsky.app/profile/simo...

Simon Abrams, King of the Witches@simonsaybrams.bsky.social

I reviewed KUNG FU SOCCER, the new Stephen Chow movie, @ebertvoices.bsky.social. It's a sequel to SHAOLIN SOCCER and Chow estimates that half of the movie's budget was for AI animation. Ahead of tomorrow's review, I'm posting some of my earlier coverage of Chow's post-KUNG FU HUSTLE credits.

Simon Abrams, King of the Witches
@simonsaybrams.bsky.social

Just FYI, you can now watch the Frank Stallone/Franco Columbu action vehicle TAKEN ALIVE on Prime under its Tom Jones themed alt title* of DANGER IN PARADISE. Unfortunately that alt title doesn’t do as good a job of selling the movie as this poster and this tagline. *What, you don’t know!

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Simon Abrams, King of the Witches
@simonsaybrams.bsky.social

I think I reviewed JOURNEY TO THE WEST: CONQUERING THE DEMONS for the NY Press, but would have to consult my old clip binder (at my parents' house). I reviewed JOURNEY TO THE WEST: THE DEMONS STRIKE BACK for the Village Voice: www.villagevoice.com/the-latest-j...

villagevoice.comThe Latest 'Journey to the West' Barely Gets Released in the U.S. - The Village VoiceHow do you sell an international comedy-action superstar to an American audience? Sony Pictures, the distributors of charming Hong Kong action-fantasy Journey to the West: The Demons Strike Back, stil...
Simon Abrams, King of the Witches
@simonsaybrams.bsky.social

I can’t really explain this, but I’m halfway through reading Monica Ojeda’s NEFANDO and it’s giving big WASP FACTORY AS A CREATIVE WRITING RETREAT vibes, which is fine since the prose is so crisp and lyrical (Sarah Booker’s translation is v good)

Simon Abrams, King of the Witches
@simonsaybrams.bsky.social

more like Children of the DAAAAAAAMMMMMNNN (sorry)

WuTangIsForTheChildren@wutangforchildren.bsky.social

Iron Maiden's Nicko McBrain was invited to play golf with Trump and he declined: "Trump should have been in jail long ago. I see no humor whatsoever in his narcissism, in the Epstein files, and especially in the depraved war he unleashed against Iran" 💪🤘 variety.com/2026/music/n...