Ryan Grove

If you laughed at this, it's time to schedule a colonoscopy.

Looks like tomorrow's gonna be a great day to not use anything that's connected to the Internet, if that's an option for you. 😬

Sell packages by volume and not weight, you cowards. I dare you.

I don't think we worry enough as a species about how easy it would be for a spider to crawl across our toothbrushes. I bet it happens all the time.

A comprehensive list of companies and executives that have cited AI-related productivity gains as the justification for layoffs is going to be a very useful decision-making aid over the next few years. We're all keeping one, right?

The immigration system is set up like coming to America is a privilege America bestows and applicants should grovel for, when in fact immigration is a gift that America desperately requires. We should be begging people to come here, not erecting further barriers.

I'd like to thank the state of California for providing a constant reminder that literally everything is slowly poisoning me.

me sleeping seven hours vs. me sleeping six hours and 42 minutes

I got the first news alert about the cruise ship hantavirus outbreak within minutes of discovering a bunch of fresh mouse poop in our garage. For several surreal seconds, I thought the Washington Post was reporting about an outbreak in my own house.

Imagine being a mouse and just effortlessly pooping perfectly consistent little cylindrical poops all day long, no matter what garbage you eat. We should all be so lucky.

This paper by Margaret-Anne Storey is the most important thing I've read about the field of software engineering in years. arxiv.org/abs/2603.22106

moby-dick, his eyes enormous: from hell's heart you STAB at moby? for hate's sake you spit your last BREATH at moby? oh! oh! the great shroud of the sea for ahab! the great shroud of the sea rolling on as it rolled five thousand years ago!!!!

thinking once again about Marcia Lucas laughing her way through Eraserhead

Violence is the only remaining source of authority for a government that no longer has the consent of the governed. Every act of violence is an admission of weakness.

Has to be weird to be a Republican, where paying capital gains taxes is tyranny but getting shot in the face isn't

It's remarkable how unwieldy the Google Docs comment UX is for having discussions about specific content within a document given that (I would estimate) millions of people use it for this every day.

Was starting to worry that we were gonna have a garbage night without a high wind advisory but nope, there it is, right on schedule.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine your success criteria.

Thank you Google Nano Banana Pro, I definitely needed a storyboard for this scene I already shot. And I did a smooth dolly in but sure, let's reshoot it and do two jarring axial cuts instead. blog.google/technology/a...

Vaccines don't cause autism, but even if they did, sign me up for more of both. Enjoy your long covid and measles, allistics! wapo.st/4idz3Wn

Slack pro tip: be sure to always check the "Also send to [channel]" checkbox before sharing your wisdom in a long and complex thread! It'll help everyone understand that they can ignore all the other opinions and focus on yours.

Nice work everyone! We broke Apple TV by all watching Pluribus at the same time.

My brain likes to wake me up at dawn for no reason at all, regardless of when I went to sleep. Even when I'm wearing a total blackout face mask and ear plugs, it knows. The end of daylight saving time is the start of daylight zombie time for me. Do not approach me between November and March.

Tapestry has quickly become my favorite way to keep up with Mastodon, Bluesky, and other feeds. Everything’s woven together into a seamless chronological timeline with deduping, muting, and rock solid position syncing across devices. It’s great! usetapestry.com

One of the huge perks of working at a software company is, when there's something about the product that bothers you personally, you can get your hands dirty and find out why it's basically impossible to get fixed

If you can break my code without making the tests fail then that’s a little bit your fault and a lot my fault.

Woke up laughing in the middle of the night with two words emblazoned on my murky consciousness: ROBOT SHART I don’t know where this came from, but the more I interrogate the concept, the funnier it gets.

"Can everyone see my screen?" is the ossified consequence of the UX failures of early video conferencing tools. Software is better now and we can usually see your screen! The question is no longer useful, but it will forever be part of the screen sharing dance. Usability matters.

The incentive structures of Agile development processes lead some people to think all solutions must be short-term solutions. Software developed this way will eventually collapse or freeze under the weight of its own tech debt. A decade of short-term solutions doesn't add up to a long-term solution.

If having to make small talk with JD Vance doesn’t qualify as suffering, then what does? www.washingtonpost.com/world/2025/0...

Today we've (re)launched a campaign to protect 28 Million acres in Alaska, a partnership with Flickr, The Conservation Alliance, SalmonState, and Wild Salmon Center. Read more about what we're working on, and watch our short film here: protectalaskawildlands.com I'll add some context in thread.

I watched a lot of movies in 2024! 🤩 letterboxd.com/yaypie/year/...

Congratulations, employee! You succeeded in spite of the many obstacles we put in your way. As a reward, please enjoy these new obstacles.

Will corporate enshittification ruin Bluesky before open source dysfunction ruins Mastodon? Trick question. They’ll both be distant memories when we’re all racing through the wasteland in our war rigs huffing chrome and fighting over guzzolene.

This holiday season, give your favorite Staff Engineer the gift of including the actual error message next time you ask for help debugging an error.

The great thing about the BACK TO THE FUTURE trilogy is that it already contains a sequel, a prequel, a remake, and a multiverse. Our job is done here, folks.

Do you enjoy using JavaScript to parse XML? Of course you do. Who wouldn't? And you probably want to do it as fast as possible, right? Right. 🚀 `@rgrove/parse-xml`, which was already the fastest pure JS XML parser I know of, just got up to 28% faster. github.com/rgrove/parse...

The problem with turning a programming hobby into a career is that you get into it because you enjoy writing poetry for robots and then a few years go by and suddenly you’re writing passionate screeds about project management and org charts and wondering where it all went wrong.

I discovered a roll of pre-pandemic Cottonelle in a cabinet and marveled at its luxurious thickness, its deep cleaning ripples. We’ve lost so much.

If I were a CrowdStrike employee I’d turn lemons into lemonade by adding a few new bullet points to my resume today about how my work had global impact and disrupted stale business workflows.

Can’t wait for the AI bubble to burst so we can get back to working on the important problems facing society, like figuring out how to prevent the last few pieces of Orbit gum from becoming molecularly bonded to the packaging.

The only difference between temporary code and permanent code is that temporary code has a comment above it that says “// This is temporary”.