Oonagh

That time the Archbishop of Liverpool got on the wrong side of Jabba the Hutt.

I’d love to open a little independent cinema with a coffee shop that sold lovely pastries and a little book store attached to it. Showing the big movies over the weekends with little arthouse double bills Monday-Wednesday. If I ever make enough from Stand-up to do that that’s how I’ll go bankrupt.

Just managed to publish a post without noticing I'd used the word 'mortifTying' in the headline. If only there were a word for this feeling.

I say, I say, I say! Here is a joke I’ve been trying to write for a decade, but I think it only works as a diagram — so, BEHOLD! The fog on the Tyne is all mime

installed a colour-changing led bulb so NOW SHOWING: low budget wicked

This is not a "you didn't KNOW?" post because I truly envy and respect anyone unaware of Linehan's output BUT he's been EXTREMELY racist for years now. Attacking black actors on his wife's show Motherland as diversity hires; podcast screeds about muslims in Ireland; delighting in Palestinian deaths.

Russell T Davies says he gets daily hate messages for supporting trans rights “It makes me sick to think what is it like to be a young, trans kid, living in a flat and working in a bar, not a penny to you.” Yet the BBC still “both sides” the arty platforming transphobic bigots playing DARVO! 😖

If you’re confused about which way the clocks go in which season, here’s an easy mnemonic: SPRING: your phone will do it for you FALL: your phone will do it for you

Just been to see Ghosts:The Possession of Button House and loved it. I didn't know how they could introduce any jeopardy when we know what happens in the last episode of the series, but they came up with a great story and it's very funny.

If anyone's kid has lost their Columbia Statistical Research Group' model of survivorship bias, I found it on the street in Walthamstow yesterday.

If my big shop is ruined by Streeting Preppers, I'm going to have to get his voodoo doll out again.

Last year, the studio I work in ran a game of Traitors in the run up to Christmas on Gchat. They've asked me to make an app out of it. I think it works but I need someone to test it for me. If you think you can get a group together to play it and fancy being a test Claudia for me let me know…

The Venn diagram of people who say "We can't let Putin take Ukraine because he'll invade somewhere else" and the ones who say "As the father of daughters, I'm against misogyny" is a circle.

Bloody hell. #TheCricket

If I die today, rest assured I died of cricket.

Harry Brook for PM.

Who, me? Alone with the Halloween sweets?

Me: Hiya, I need to collect a parcel. Here's the QR. Shop Fella:

"Do you want us to remember your log in so you don't have to do this process again?" "Yeah that sounds really good!" "Okay just log in again then" "Easy" "Who the fuck are you"

It would be hilarious, if it were not so sinister.

She was murdered by transphobia 😥😥😥

News from 1789

people must be insane to live in Midsomer with their murder rate ha ha *checks Midsomer house prices* ok but the schools are good and it is certainly commutable

“Hi! I’m Waylon Jennings.”

I keep a stuffed eel on my desk as a reminder that our time on this planet is finite. A sort of memento moray.

oh no i missed university challenge but luckily with my £999 subscription to amol rajan hq i can ask him to re-enact the entire episode for me

Shit day. Really struggling with the latest trans restrictions coming in. And nobody does anything. Reading gaslighting shit like this makes it worse. Evil. @uklabour.bsky.social

The most interesting thing about a crackdown on people listening to music without headphones on public transport is that trans people are going to die because of the Government's policy on hospital treatment.

RIP the lipsalve I left in the car on an unexpectedly warm October afternoon. You would have loved going missing after being used twice, and turning up three months later missing your lid.

“What is the charge? Popping a dick? Popping my succulent dick? This is democracy manifest Sir! Get your hands off my penis! (because I want people to see it…)”

Producer: “Who can we get to represent the views of voters in struggling working class towns?” Researcher: “How about a London born privately educated banjo player who is the son of the billionaire who owns GB News?” Producer: “Perfect!”

An incredible number of men born in the 1960s believe they were personally gassed at The Somme.

the takeaway that would make the best librarian is a ssh kebab

20 Points for a Pigeon

The move to the far right of UK politics continues. There’s an increasing focus on ppl with disabilities [PIP is an extremely hard to get support for ppl with disabilities]. Comparing a war machine with ppl experiencing extreme disability is the sort of thing that led to Aktion T4*

NEW TO NETFLIX: Liam Neeson is Gillingham manager Liam Ainsworth, on a quest to find the magic sword that will rid the kingdom of Kent of a foul frog-faced demon, and also three points against Port Vale on Tuesday.

She did the meme.

Friends — It's time to defund Elon Musk. https://robertreich.substack.com/p/defund-musk

What a wonderful diverse media it is when the far right son of the owner of Unherd, The Spectator and GB News is considered a vital guest for BBC’s Newsnight

and now for something completely racist

now John Cleese is backing the openly racist Restore party it’s lucky for him there aren’t any images of him pretending to be Hitler