reni 🦌

don't allow your worries to ruin your day

hate when a blurb for a book is "a page-turner..." yeah that's what a book is, idiot, congratulations on your first day alive

cheaper marmalade? healey, do i look like paddington fucking bear to you?

sorry to harry kane fans but my balloon door winner is kylian mbappé based on that one (1) game of football i watched

gonna go howl at the hunter's moon, does anyone want anything

how have they made a film about the making of a film without the guy who made the film they are making a making of film of

parents, please check your kids' halloween sweets! my cousin found salvador dali's fifty abstract pictures which as seen from two yards change into three lenins masquerading as chinese and as seen from six yards appear as the head of a royal bengal tiger inside a mars bar

questioning bluesky's meaning of "popular with friends" which in this instance means "one account you follow, and only this account, has liked this post"

reading scary short stories before bedtime, i am so brave 😌 scary short stories illustrated by junji ito, i am SO BRAVE 🥹

no, you see, the poppy is different because we say it is, hope that helps xo

[old lady from titanic voice] it's been fourteen years

A non-AI tool for making gig posters (via webcurios) www.desloppify.diy

friend: *telling me something important i need to remember for later* me, forgetting immediately: haha don't worry i won't forget :3

i hope this email finds you and then you close your eyes and start counting while it runs and hides

the only PHP i'm interested in is this Pretty 'n' Handsome Peach

gonna start on widows bay :) *finish episode one* ah this is not a show to watch at night, okay

hosepipe ban this and hosepipe ban that but no one is talking about the hoes' pipe ban 😔

eyes lorge, beans warm

dont forget cocks turn inwards this weekend, or however the saying goes

chopping rosemary, does anyone want anything

walked My Very Good Lady Horse this morning, she was so happy to see me when i picked her up, i adore her goofy face

yes i know the signal is bad on a fast moving vehicle that goes through tunnels but MY phone call will surely be fine -- everyone in this train carriage

thought a poster said "this year's mustard", looked again and it was actually "this year's must-read" ok BUT we should have a mustard of the year

astounding that i'm allowed on the internet

was part of the bbc three team during its (...first?) TV comeback, can't say this is a surprise but it is unfortunate

very brave of me to hold love and warmth in my heart as i venture to the london office in this terrible weather

listening to a podcast about how cristiano ronaldo became a billionaire and shaking my head the whole time so that people know i don't agree with him

a haunted house and the ghosts endlessly whisper your name but only in the ways it has been mispronounced

NFTs, market's gonna come back around, yep any day now

[person who has recently finished the latest series of hacks] haha just like in hacks (:

new isle of man flag just dropped

absolutely rattling with pharmacopeia today, lads