Lemmie Caution

Running away with 14 pigeons stuffed in my coat. You're not the boss of me!

worth saying again these these unilateral cuts are illegal. neither trump nor musk has the authority to unilaterally slash appropriated funds.

If you’re an LGB without the T/Q person, block me and fuck off.

ATTN FEDERAL WORKERS: I’ll say this again: download all your SF-50s, performance evals, and your eOPF. Now. Print hard copies. And make sure you file an informal grievance with your supervisor within 15 days of any adverse action. Here is a template: www.muellershewrote.com/p/informal-g...

Happy Valentine's Day, you goddamn jerk. Fuck you. I still love you. - Marwood

Hey what ever happened to the "really scary" drone sightings

Have been clenching my jaw so hard and for so long I've got a headache and a sore neck. Someone take me to the dark web so I can get Ketamine.

Frequently wishing my parents had stayed in Canada a little longer so I could've been born there.

I forgot to have sex for about 15 years. I can't remember if I miss it or not

Today, honor a King, not a Felon. #mlkday2025

ME: Oh no David Lynch died. COWORKER: who’s that? ME: a great director. CW: of product management?

Feeling a little broken because while I've seen most of David Lynch's work, it never affected me in any way. I can't really think if there's any movie or director that ever made me feel some kind of way.

A nice thing people don't talk about enough is the coincidence of hearing a word at the same time you happen to be reading it

I would elaborate if I hadn't already forgotten what I just said.

*Shakespeare leaving a leather bar* [Exit, pursued by a bear]

okay now that there’s a bunch of new people coming over from Facebook: Go to Settings > Accessibility > turn on “always require alt text” It’s a little bit of extra effort that enables people with visual or certain cognitive disabilities to feel welcome and partake in whatever you’re posting :)

My heart has been replaced by a potato

I am having the worst burnout but I don't know what to do. How do you take a break from basically doing nothing?

FIRST PIZZA OF 2025

Today will be spent standing on the coffee table and announcing the firsts of the year. For example, I have bellowed "FIRST COFFEE OF THE YEAR" and now I am bellowing "FIRST SKEET OF THE YEAR" Begin as you mean to go on.

Cellphones sans headphones will never be as bad as a bus full of this

I have a face for radio and a voice for mime.

I would love to see a bunch of musical artists and celebrities put on a nationally televised tribute concert for Pres. Jimmy Carter on inauguration day with all proceeds going to Habitat for Humanity.

Mom, I'm scared. Can you come pick me up?

Fighting a malignant millionaire CEO has brought me and my family on the verge of a very real bankruptcy. This is not a drill, I genuinely need your help. Please, take a look at my fundraiser and share it if you can. www.gofundme.com/f/help-disco...

If you press the bottom of the cylinder, her legs collapse

Every day I wake up and ask myself what I'm doing. One day I hope to have an answer.

Entered the party covered in scraps of holly and ivy. Praised for my seasonal spirit, I didn't let on that I'd been lured into a hedge and mugged by wrens.

The Christmas you get you deserve

This German meme was just brought to my attention and I feel obligated to reshare it here Frohe Weihnachten

Hey, Lemmie. You working Christmas eve? You know it, man. Are you high as shit at 10am, Lemmie? I am a goddamned butterfly, my dude.

You’re the US Marines band at the White House and Mavis Staples 👑 walks into the room so you start playing "I’ll Take You There" and this happens👇

made it this far through life without getting sucked down the shower drain but that doesn’t mean I will stop being wary of it

Hotboxing my own guest bathroom tonight

Friendly reminder: if you have a special lady in your life but you're not sure what to get her (and you've already bought her my book) then buy her a sword, you can't go wrong with a sword. By Guillaume de Digulleville, 14th century. gallica.bnf.fr/ark:/12148/b...

we need to acknowledge that B12 is clearly planning something

To every guy who came into the comments on my Gisele Pelicot article to yell “not all men” at me and demand I give due deference to the good guys… It’s time to be quiet. Investigation uncovered more than 70,000 users in Telegram group chats admitting to raping women & sharing tips to sedate them 🧵

It is literally still the Solstice and ALREADY the shops are full of Equinox crap?