Jason Funderberker (frog)

Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says “It hurts when I do this.” Doctor says “Treatment is simple. Don’t do this.” Man bursts into tears. “But Doctor, I *am* do this.” Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.

If no states had winner take all electoral vote set up, and instead they were all assigned proportionally based on the votes in that state, which places would be getting the Ohio/Pennsylvania “constant inescapable barrage of political advertising” treatment?

WIFE: did you know there are 5 love languages? ME: did you know there are 6 base classes in Dungeons and Dragons? WIFE: *goes to sleep*

Best line delivering in OTGW is “you can hold my hand funderberker, I don’t care”

"you have to get on board with AI or youre going to be like someone who refuses to use electricity" friend, you underestimate how far i will go to be a hater

Bluesky has four kinds of users

Talarico: "If you've seen an attack ad on your TV, that was Elon. If you've gotten lies in your mailbox, that was Elon. If you've received a text message saying scary things about me with scary black and white photos. That was Elon too."

In fact I will say the Earnest and Pious Charismatic Ethnic Minority political figure (AOC, Mamdani, El-Sayed) has been a pretty good bet for the American left so far, whereas the Disaffected Gruff White Guy Showcasing True Masculinity (Fetterman, Platner) has been a worse bet. Just an observation.

have you tried staring into space

The part where Valjean steals again immediately after he is released sort of vindicates Javert

(Leans into microphone, clears throat): Conor Friedersdork

Would love to know what methods for diversifying an organization don’t focus on new hires? Just firing existing workers? Does he favor keeping the same employeees but changing their race/sexuality?

Protip: If you put in your bylaws that the group in question follows Robert's Rules of Order for anything not specified explicitly in the bylaws, it would be good for the people running meetings to have passing familiarity with Robert's Rules of Order

“The Unfortunate Fate of the Peanut Vendors” sounds like the title of a novel that wins some hoity-toity awards

Worst prank ever

“I don’t know what makes my kid special” is an odd thing to say as a parent

You, a fool: androids Me, a genius: ifthendroids Thank you I will accept my Nobel prize in advancing artificial intelligence now

“Ladies and gentleman, I ask you to imagine a fast casual restaurant that takes the five guys approach not just to how many fries you get, but also to mozzarella sticks and, crucially, chicken fingers” Immediately I am given the Nobel prize for restaurants

I step onto the stage, lean over to the microphone and make my announcement: “strawberry tallcake” everyone goes wild, I am immediately awarded the Nobel prize for cake

Has someone written a paper yet analyzing fantasy economics of various dragons hoarding all that stuff called ECONOMIES OF SCALE? Thank you I will accept my Sveriges Riksbank Prize in Economic Sciences in Memory of Alfred Nobel

Just future proofing:

Me and the regular group who like my posts

We’ll see whose argument is ‘illogical’ once I define a new predicate calculus with some extremely relevant inference rules

As long as we are talking about Cheesecake Factory:

James Bond is a hopelessly outdated relic of the four-player first-person shooter era

Oh you want me to go see the movie everyone is talking about? Go see it at a cinema? The place where they literally drive a train at you?? not gonna happen lol 😂

Attempts to at least agree the next meeting date for the One Ring Committee would later prove difficult. As Elrond would reject all suggested dates. It would later emerge that he had booked a lengthy sailing holiday, immediately after the first meeting.

"This could have been an email." Aragorn whispers. "He ALWAYS pulls this shit in 'Any Other Business" Boromir replies, quietly. "It's why Faramir marked himself as busy when the invite went out."

me: i take well to criticism my brain:

Nancy By Ernie Bushmiller October 25,1944

I hope when I click it’s just shocked Pikachu

some good local political drama: there's a crowded mayoral race in a nearby town, and one local business owner put out signs opposing a local councilwoman who's running. the signs get stolen, but it turns out he put airtags in them and they were traced to the councilwoman herself.

no amnesty

youtu.be/ACIjEqUG5oE

I don't want to tell the Utahn city planners their business but in SimCIty 2000 it's a good idea not to put the industrial zones next to the residential zones

Take the trolling to Twitter, pal, it doesn’t belong here

It’s actually about how many documents it contains, which is why my downloads folder is the best documentary

Let Nathan Fielder make a season of Love is Blind

Showing Elizabeth Holmes my posts and asking her to explain why they are funny