E.D.D.I.E.z

Me: I'm not threatening anyone, I'd just like you to ask him if he'd consent to a fistfight behind the Waffle House. Secret Service: SIR.

When I was a kid you had to like M*A*S*H.

Gregor Samsa awoke one morning to find himself turned into a giant asshole.

i love the smell of libertarian tears in the morning or something

that quantum entanglement when you are at a ground state but the equilibrium is all over the shops and houses

Political climate forecast: Cloudy with a chance of shitty reign

cybersecurity around here is a guy named rusty

the worst thing about hiring a hitman to take out a bureaucrat is finding one swivel eyed

If you pay dearly for two conundrums the universe will gladly throw in a paradox for free

I can hear you, but listening is a level of commitment I'm just not ready for yet. I've just got out of a long conversation

I don’t know what kind of sick game you’re playing, but I think it’s my turn.

[David Attenborough voice] and now you see the human in its natural habitat scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, a repetitive behavior they seem to both love and hate at the same time

Morten Andersen

one step forward, several carbon footprints back

couch control this is ground zero, about to attempt lift off in t-minus ten light-years

15-minute city conspiracy lockdown

i’m in between progress bars at the moment but what i really want to do is watch dust settle www.youtube.com/watch?v=odFG...

chickenheads before turkeyheads

what’s the meta, why the long facebook, no wait..oh

Wait til AI finds out about Voodoo

Go Canada, eh! 🇨🇦🏒 (Please let me in)

If you're thinking what I'm thinking, then you might be considered an accomplice

If by photo album you mean a substantial mug shot portfolio which is kept at the police station then yes I’ve photo albums.

My attempt to conquer Bluesky has failed, but I will try again.

Getting all my protein needs in by rolling over chickens and absorbing them into my gloopy glop

Something to do with my hands.

I am not under the illusion that I have anything to say.

For someone who wants to die in his sleep, I keep clawing out of my nightmares.

1526 My ancestor (brings a few fish in from the stream): I have conquered, Woman. Meat’s here! 2026 Me (returning from Costco with a large Atlantic Salmon filet): I have conquered, Woman. Meat’s here!

Pretty sure god is on a cocaine bender just making shit up on the fly at this point

malignant narcissist seeks shortsighted libertarian

microwave: any plans for lunch? me: a pawn sandwich, some fried meatbots, maybe a meat puppet on a stick

all i know is chicks come from venus and woodpeckers come from mars www.youtube.com/watch?v=to8y...

still waiting for melon muskyballs to take tronk in any one of his stupid cars and fuck off to play golf on mars

How many assclowns can you fit in a Tesla Roadster? None; None in the front, none in the back, just one too big for his boots

Politicking time bombs going off like a damp squib

It’s bewildering how many people are so passionate about being wrong.