Gelatin Bean 🏳️‍⚧️ ☔️

Things are becoming clearer. Which is no help bc now they are see-through and I still don’t know what the things are.

Why does this Sesame Street toy look like Grover is reenacting Poe's The Cask of Amontillado

UHM IN ASSASSINS CREED BLACK FLAG RESYNCED I CAN HAVE A PET FOLLOW ME AROUND? ASSASSIN AND HIS CAT, ASSASSIN AND HIS CAT!!!!

Black Flag Resynced is really fun and I don’t suck at it!

I applied to five Dream Jobs at a certain location. They’re close to me, pay is more than I’ve made in my life, and the work sounds engaging and worthwhile. I just got rejected for one of them. But! Still in the running for four!

3 year old: [silently hands me a book] me: “do you want me to read this to you?” 3 year old: “I mean. I can’t read. so.”

It’s early, but this boy is calling it! Goodnight buddies!

When I ask if you wanna roll with me what I’m really asking is if you’d like to run some errands with me, have lunch, and then snuggle in front of a fire with our books or phones or a show or whatever.

My instinct is to be the little spoon, but I think I will prove to be a good big spoon also! I’ll let you all know how it goes.

If you mess with your phone while in control of a moving vehicle I think you’re stupid and wish you would stop

I will NEVER answer a call on the toilet, but will I text on the toilet? Where do you think I am rn?

When someone rejects you romantically it does NOT make them cruel or bad. It also does Not make you an unlovable loser.

Everyone deserves romantic love but no one OWES you romantic love. There’s a difference.

Some boomers scoff as if Jane Austen wouldn’t be on her phone all fuckin day

Warm afternoon In bed shirt off Hot chocolate Fan on high All in balance

It's that special time of year when they give the danger-kitties pumpkins to play with at The Wildcat Sanctuary in Sandstone, Minnesota. A much-needed timeline cleanse. 🐯🎃 (📷: wildcatsanctuary.org)

I’m of the opinion that beautiful women should not experience tummy aches

Haven’t heard back from any jobs yet but that also means I haven’t been rejected!

Remember, a T-Rex costume is not just for Halloween. It's for doctor's visits, staff meetings, bowling alleys, jury duty, church

Favorite film in haiku: She meets a nice hunk Cos in the end, we all fruit Apple and orange

Quench is such an annoying word, “oohhh I need to quench my thirst” okay how about I quench your face with my fist

Someone is insisting on returning books to the drive thru library book pickup. There is a separate lane specifically for that! GAUCHE BEHAVIOR.

(After the fight vs Haku and Zabuza) Kakashi: so what can you take away from this, Naruto? Naruto: that even the strong ninjas like Haku have feelings Kakashi: good, that’s- Naruto: for his much older boyfriend! Kakashi: that’s-NARUTO NO

Years Of Learning To Love Self Undone By Single Glimpse Of Body In Self-Checkout Camera https://theonion.com/years-of-learning-to-love-self-undone-by-single-glimpse-of-body-in-self-checkout-camera/

I just assumed the ninja turtles were all Italian

Crushes are aptly named. They could also be called stomps.

I just want to be in love so I can call whoever she is “my little cheeseburger” 🥹

If I was living in medieval times I would definitely fall all over myself for a lady right before a big duel and make a gift of my sword to express my undying love, trot onto the field up to my rival, be like “yo can I borrow a spare sword real quick” and get squished by his giant mace

Jot this down as one of my doglike attributes, but as long as I’m being touched nicely and Not Tickled In Any Way, belly rubs sound… kind of awesome!

There’s nothing quite so earnest as a small British child

Okay the second part of the Jafar fight was super easy. Maybe I’m over leveled or something. Still fun though!

Reverse cowgirl so I can scratch your back while we watch Great British Baking Show

Warning! Sexual joke incoming

There are two wolves inside me and they and they are both extremely food motivated

Me, kissing a girl on the cheek: (panics and ends up blowing a raspberry on her face) Me: (reels backward in horror, toots for realsies in confusion) Her: AH SO MUCH IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW

I will never forget the day my parents took us to the Cheesecake Factory. The awe we felt when they ushered us past the velvet rope to our table, bedecked with cheesecakes of every description. The respect they showed us, despite our dirty coal miner’s fingers, despite not knowing how to use a fork

I will say this though for the Jafar fight, he kept floating around like a little LOSER just in between the big rocks so he was juuuust too far for me to jump across and whack him with my keyblade. He knew I could kick his ass.

I want a mountain of Three Musketeers and Milky Way Midnights and Jolly Rancher gummies (both sour and regular.)

Can’t wait for Christmas. I got all your gifts. Now I just need to get gift wrap that isn’t GODDAMN AI SLOP.

Just defeated Jafar but I know this one is a two-part battle. But fam is coming over so I have to be sociable. And put on pants

Having a lot of fun in Agrabah in KH1!! I’m not terrible at this game :)