Wayward Twidget

Fucking do it, I dare you. I assure you that I’ll be so owned…

Today, spicy drama on the real life of my cats: I fits, I sits! Dude, you've got to suck in that snack gut to fit. Look, I fits! No, no you don't. Maybe you should spend some time on the cat wheel. Fuck you, I fits! Sigh, no you don't Tune in next week for more of the same!

Phoney Stark needs to raise capital badly and since the equity market is tapped out, commercial credit is tapped out, private credit is tapped out, it’s up to you and your visa to keep him in ketamine.

He's so full of shit he's had to start storing some in the trunk.

Deadbeat Donnie, who stole from kids with cancer, let a little truth about his plans slip in his latest burger on the wall tantrum: "He just wants to get out of town with as much as he can steal, and then, lead a quiet life." No deal, asshole. We're going to be on your ass forever. Count on it.

Ok grandpa, time for your Thorazine shot. i.redd.it/othxzt18aaug...

Fall of shot is good, scratch one, dipshit plot is still target rich.

I’ll stick with a functional logistics train and level 4 ballistic plates, thanks.

Happy low tire pressure day for all who celebrate.

I'm not worried about 2026* or 2028, I'm worried about 2030; because there is a 100% chance that once the boot of reality is off the necks of you know who they will vote to put our collective dick back into the blender. *) except for election rigging attempts by The Slob Father

I’m looking for a fat score: a jackpot malicious prosecution judgement, and your bar license(s) on my lodge pole… Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough. www.google.com/imgres?q=ser...

Awesome ❤️

Do on to others as you would have them do on to you, and given the flabstapo's behavior to date, this is well inside the "fair play" boundary. Pro Tip: don't antagonize people who are more intelligent and creative than you. It will end poorly for you.

I know which side I'm on 💙

The wheels on the Trump train go womp, womp, womp.

Ok, I'm game. Either drag Mitch "Yertle the Turtle" McConnell's ass onto the Senate floor and make him work, or unplug him and call for a special election.

The council of cats is now in session. The male can opener was 5 minutes late serving breakfast, 2nd offense. I propose a 24 hr cuddle embargo and 1 turd in his slippers. Meow or no meow. The meows have it.

And there's a 100% chance that they'll be happy to pay for a heads on when the TACOs will be served.

Feel free to pack your shit and get the fuck out of We the People's America. Because we'd prefer one hundred of them yearning to breathe free than one of you. You will not be missed, you dickless molerat.

The area that you have been ordered to patrol is not for you, move along chump. Reminds me of my first change of command ceremony where we were told that "all hands are invited to attend," but we were all turned away at the hatch when we showed up...

Never attribute to malice that which can be explained by staggering incompetence.

Picked up some carryout Indian food for dinner, and I had to tell everyone about it. Because of my naan disclosure agreement.

What are the odds of TWO master orators married to one another? Listening to them speak was uplifting, inspirational and exhilarating. A reminder of another, better time when leaders spoke to our better angels & offered hope & optimism rather than divisive vulgarisms. #ChangeIsComingNovember3rd

Oh, we are. [Deadbeat Donnie slinkies down the Air Force One's stairs live on TV] Pro Tip: when asking people to pray, you should be VERY SPECIFIC on what your desired outcome is, because rational people have very, very different prayers...

Yea, that's the real concern with holding a cage match on the white house lawn, you fucking clown. Unfortunately, it turns out that Idiocracy was the best case scenario...

The Donald J Trump - Epstein files are a the load bearing structure holding up the kakistocracy that's making our lives a living hell. Cover it all in C4, and let the debris far where it will. Fire in the hole! [clack, clack, clack]

We have heard your petition to use the vacuum cleaner and have found your arguments to be unpersuasive. Denied. You may resubmit your petition for a time when we will be summering in the guest room, and we will consider it.

Junior cat receiving a performance review from the middle manager cat. I've received complaints from mom about all of the mice you've been bringing into the house. You can keep doing it, but you have to kill them, and leave it somewhere dad will find it before she does. Got it?

Cocaine and hubris is one hell of a combination.

I asked the council of cats if I could use the bed for sorting laundry, and the decision is: 1. Ok, sure 2. Ok, but I have concerns 3. Abstained

If they think being indicted is terrifying, they'll know true fear when the sentence comes down.

Example [I've lost count] demonstrating that they do not understand the concept of context.

Roman Mosaic Unearthed - Southwark, London, UK <3 What Time Reveals (9 Photos): streetartutopia.com/2026/03/28/f... Two archaeologists gently uncover a large Roman mosaic beneath a construction site near The Shard in central London. The vibrant geometric patterns, preserved underground for nearly...

LOL, another participation trophy for the apex failson.

Someone's going to be scraping ketchup off of a wall tonight...

True, and it’s documented in the Epstein files.

Letz go even bigger and better,,, ALL Female US Olympians and Paralympian medalists are invited out to celebrate in Viva Las Vegas for the SHE GOT GAME Weekend ,,, Hit a guy up and LETZ GOOO

Play MAGAt games, win MAGAt prizes.

Reading people. Body language. Knowing how to connect with people totally unlike you and with different backgrounds and beliefs. Defusing tense situations. Gaining trust. High endurance, pain tolerance, and work ethic. Reaction time. Prioritizing order of execution. Anticipating people’s needs. Tons

Then I looked and saw a branch, and sitting upon it was death from above.

How About That, Pam........

Goodness, things might get a wee bit testy at the upcoming State of the Union.

The Roberts Court has a clear set of guidelines: the president can do anything he pleases, so long as it does not violate the rights of the owning class.

[pops popcorn]

Yea, no fucking shit. The 1st rule of trump club is get the cash upfront.

If this country was truly “pro-life,” we would have Medicare for All, a Green New Deal, gun reform, universal child care, and a living wage. The right-wing agenda isn’t about “life.” It’s about control.

Roses are red Violets are blue Our boss always looks Like he’s fighting a poo