my brain is like a steve

I would be happy for Jack Lowden if he got the Bond role. Can someone remind me though, why are they still making Bond movies?

these guys are evil and dangerous but also just utter fuckin buffoons lol just such incompetent embarrassing boneheads

preferred pronouns: dude/chief/“yer man there”

LOL Ukraine hit a Russian data center and Russian bot activity immediately dropped to practically zero. Elon is mad hahahahahaha

racist is spelled with a ‘c’ a lot of people don’t know that but if you take the ‘c’ and replace it with a ‘p’ you get rapist i’m super smart

hey hey, my my rock and roll will never die transformers™: more than meets the eye hey hey, my my

It’s garbage night and my partner was cleaning out the fridge, including a half-empty tub of tabbouleh. “Tabbouleh rasa,” I said wistfully, and we laughed and laughed.

2/

The Life-Changing Magic of Shutting the Fuck Up

Wait, so everyone is twelve theory already had a name?

If you were King Solomon And I was a lady Would you marry me anyway Would you halve my baby

Karoline Leavitt has resigned her post as press secretary so that she can devote her time to raising her children to be the worst possible people they can be, as a bulwark against what she fears is a rising tide of rational, honest, empathetic Americans.

the telecaster will not be euthanized

there are moments when i ask myself, “what is an appropriate number of times to watch the lauren and hacker ‘normal men’ bit in a day?” and the answer is “all the times”

The Las Vegas skyline from Blade Runner 2049 vs the Toronto skyline from right now.

Today's forecast: PAR64, yellow gel

and now, the tap-dancing hagiographers

alternating between sugar and spider noir is making me want to watch “in bruges” again

these influencers doing self-scripted one-person two-hander skits wearing two different t-shirts should know they don’t look creative and versatile so much as they look like they don’t have any friends

it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, triggering respiratory distress

just when the kids seem to have realized that touching grass is a good idea it turns out the grass is full of ticks carrying life-altering diseases

aw yisss

Fighting my wrongful termination by the Washington Post. After Charlie Kirk was killed, I was accused of gross misconduct simply for stating the truth about America’s racial double standards when it comes to political violence. We head to arbitration tomorrow. Let’s go.

I was not aware until today that Brad Mehldau had a Substack, when this article showed up in my feed, trashing AI in music and Berklee for promoting it. No decision to subscribe was ever easier. substack.com/@bradmehldau...

There is an Achewood for almost every occasion. January 12, 2009.

Well that’s a shame. They spent all that money on facemasks.

Imagine pitching Westworld and Jurassic Park in the same meeting. “Okay picture this: a visit to a futuristic amusement park populated by robot cowboys turns into a desperate fight for survival when the robots go berserk and turn on the humans.” “Sounds promising, what else have you got?”

Thinking back to grade school when the Remembrance Day assembly committee suggested including a brief segment on peace and the principal said "no" In all the years since, I never once heard a veteran suggest that talk of peace on Remembrance Day was disrespectful

🎶 Who’s carnivorous and lives in the sea? Death ball Roundpants!

Here's a photo of my friend and colleague, Jorge Bautista, getting shot in the face with a flashbang grenade. The ICE Agent is so afraid of Jorge (who was posing no threat) that he has wet himself. Please share this photo. Everyone needs to know what cowards ICE agents are.

Imagine watching “Civil War” and thinking Jesse Plemons’ character seemed like he had his head screwed on right

I assume Warmington and Ford would be attending Charlie Kirk’s funeral given the opportunity. Never before has Robin Williams’ “apartment above a meth lab” comment seemed so true to life – pls keep in mind he was calling from the meth lab at the time.

They’ll ask you to mourn the deaths they mourn, and no others. They’ll ask you to cherish the lives they cherish, and no others.