simonslapstick.bsky.social

My whole life, advocating war has been fed to me as “the adult position,” akin to drinking your coffee black or reading the business section of the newspaper. Let’s be very clear — war is the childish nonsense of impulsive destructive idiots playing baby-brained video games with real human lives.

Festive.

A fantastic cozy follow on here.

they say i'm not supposed to put the Q-Tip into my ear canal but that's where the spider is

Lightning McQueen: I can’t move! My driver is dead! (his door swings open. A very old man is handcuffed to the steering wheel) Mater: Don’t ya fret, Lightning! We’ll hunt down a new driver for you in the Human Lands

Go back and read this from The beginning!

Elon: We cut so much government waste. There was one ridiculous $300 billion program called “Mole People Annual Tribute” (the ground beneath Washington DC starts rumbling)

[standing on your lawn, craning neck so face can be seen while training FIM-92 Stinger SAM launcher in your direction] ♫ Now bring us some figgy pudding,

i dropped my phone in the toilet and i didn't have any rice so i buried it in a pet sematary