Native Minnow

Not giving out any candy until the costumed children give me the secret handshake of the Free Masons.

Little Miss Here-We-Fucking-Go-Again logging on

I personally think it's a great idea to hand the country over to tech billionaires, one of whom needed AI to describe her own kid lol www.nytimes.com/2026/10/25/s...

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. Also, please pick me up a half gallon of milk-- I forgot to stop yesterday.

Acting like Jesus includes spitting on blind people

All kidding aside, y'all probably already know this but it's worth saying anyway with winter coming. If you have kids' clean but outgrown winter coats & are not sure where to donate, you can contact a school counselor to offer it. Usually, they can quietly get a coat to a kid who needs one.

I’m sorry, but Def Leppard touring with the Goo Goo Dolls feels wrong.

Them: MAN OVERBOARD!!! Me: *in the water No, no, just keep going.

The moon out here dressed like she's not going home alone tonight

Seeing adult twins is weird. Like this isn’t cute anymore

I’ve got something to get off my chest: I’ve never found Betty Boop attractive.

I hate when boxing announcers say a boxer is "down for the count." I don't care that he loves Dracula I just want to know who's winning

nostalgia's so wild like what do you mean i'm gonna hear a long-forgotten song i spun a lot in my 20s and suddenly feel a dull throbbing ache in every muscle of my body tearing at my soul like a panic attack making me feel as if i'm coming apart and like, it's the spin doctors???

Add “Between My Legs” to a movie title. “The Nightmare Before Christmas Between My Legs”

Add “Between My Legs” to a movie title. “No Country For Old Men Between My Legs”

Starts a GoFundMe so I can afford to bid on the Wheel of Time TV show prop/costume auction

Last night the carbon monoxide alarm sounded but it stopped after 3 beeps so I just went back to sleep.

The rising costs of gas for the chainsaw are really cutting into my to-do list

Sorry but this isn't how you take care of a hotel

We elected a guy who thought this was real & called WWE to make sure Vince was ok. This was 20 years ago.

The comment section is the Wild West, I swear. Yesterday a small plane crashed nearby but the news article was just a few sentences and offered little information other than there was a crash. Someone asked why, and the top response to that was simply, “gravity.”

"They're famous because of their podcast." No. Listen to yourself.

Billionaires just pay your taxes challenge

People frown on demon possession, but then can’t name a quicker way to learn Latin

Half the stuff in the monster mash probably didn't actually happen

"Witchfinder" sounds like a dating app I'd like to sign up for, even if there's a 20% chance I end up a newt.

a good soup makes you feel like everything's right in the world. to be clear though, it's not. the soup lies.

“I prefer women who wear less makeup.” I prefer men who don’t speak unless given permission. Look at us both disappointed.

Just used AI to vibe code a new religion and now I’m head priest of the Temple of Big Naturals

"Someday, I'm going to use your pelvis as a soup bowl," sounded a lot more romantic in my head

Not mine though. I think I’ll fly a little closer to the sun.

Do a little research on the record-breaking El Niño we're currently experiencing and what it portends for the climate, for a shot of real horror

Some peoples fall from grace is taking far too long

At age 18, I worked half a shift at a call center and then left. Was desperate for a job, almost any job, but not that job.

So nobody in this admin has heard of vetting I take it

if there’s any greater stain than working for this administration of losers and grifters it’s failing to be good enough at it to keep your job

I feel like this morning walk turned into a James Ellroy novel

“As you might’ve guessed . . .”

So, like, game night ended up being shooting the shit and no actual gaming and I’m fine wkth it because my friends are pretty awesome.

I, a non-coffee drinker, walked into a Starbucks and ordered a 20 oz drip coffee and they stabbed me nine times.

Don’t ask couples with no children when they’re going to start having children. Normalize asking couples with children when they’re going to stop having children.