Malice in Wonderland

I kicked sisyphus in the balls from behind but my plan didn't factor in him dropping the ball and having it roll down the hill after me like a scene right out of indiana jones

I’m going to the Duat do you want anything

Limp Bizkit epitaph be like here lies Fred Durst. he Burst

Duck s

One time I was given a sacred relic and I said what is this and tossed it and it broke and that’s why I can’t vacation on that cannibal island. They’re still really bad at me. I’ve been banned from their feasts and so has my entire lineage

My new dog is the queen of going the fuck to sleep <33

Lombax are basically space fennecs that do frontflips and explode things

I’m sitting in the CVS parking lot two finger scooping mashed potatoes into my mouth because I lack a spoon. I look up and see this dog looking out the passenger window of a car at the stop light. The dog had a hat which was cool as hell but it wanted my spuds I think, therefore it’s my enemy

If we didn’t already know every tech billionaire was a pedophile we still would have figured it out pretty quickly given that AI isn’t even 5 years old and they’ve been jacking off to it since day 1

Should Food Cost More?

Engulfing an entire fire extinguisher with my mouth and sucking it right out of the pavement mount in order to get to the sweet sweet water inside it

Teeth are in the mouth of the face. If the teeth are on the ground there is an issue

Halloween season is here, and it's never too early for parents to start inspecting the candy their children consume. Be sure to look for the telltale signs that their treats may have been tampered with:

nice daisy! oopsie?

Took a photo of my new horrible son with a 1940s grain filter and his small baby arm started going up at a concerning angle so I had to hit him with a broom

I kill mannequins for their chitinous exterior

One time I ate a bug. It was a very large one, and it squirmed a lot. I can only imagine how scared it was as my giant, handsome molars came crushing down on its chitinous exterior. hehe *chuckles* that is, if bugs could feel fear

I think that trucks should say “excuse me” after ripping those billowing coal farts that obscure my vision and taint my cabin air filter

Perfectly parrying one blade only to be impaled by another I never saw coming

OCT 5 - "BATS" for @jm-racingfox.bsky.social !! patreon patreon.com/spoonycatt ko-fi ko-fi.com/spoonycatt/t... vgen vgen.co/spoonycatt

I’ve been rawdogging no caffeine in the mornings and lemme tell you it’s been an experience

Some sort of augmentation to my attack or defense would significantly increase my effectiveness in battle… not that I need it

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects

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i think it’s okay to be a little evil as long as you have whimsy in your heart and a twinkle in your eye