nicky the friendly shark

imagine a frog. good. now imagine a frog wearing a party hat and playin a lil tambourine. even better

a dead bee is called a been

most sharks never stop swimming because they are haunted by past mistakes and if they pause for even a moment grief will overwhelm them

I'm the only normal guy hiding in your coat closet. The other dudes in here are weird

hey girlies (and guylies and theylies) i’m alive. my husband and i have separated which makes my last posts incredibly awkward. what have i missed?

i am an innocent, lord of the rings loving gal, and they commit violence by releasing tales of the shire

i do not want to feel things i want a collection of interesting rocks

i just think it's unfair that some people are biologically better at sports than me and i think they should all be banned from sports until i am the best at sports

sharks store love in their teeth this is why they bite

it’s night time, time to make out with ghosts

for @jonhendren.com this is the beef barbacoa and cochinita pibil i slow cooked on my smoker for 8 hours on the weekend

stuart little women

I bought you a sword please respond.

oh no, it’s menace time

stuart little women

a religion where they shoot your body out of a cannon when you die

i have two modes: baby girl and goblin freak

Some kind of animal should live in the woods. Seems perfect with all the trees and bracken and stuff. Just a thought

using my work break to breed my tamagotchis like a freak

my fiancé keeps calling our wedding “Smooch Saturday”

I absolutely believe in ghosts amd their mission to stop Pac-Man

“are you still watching” yes netflix shield me from the horrors of reality

Please don’t provoke our penguins into a fight or flight response. You're only going to get one of those.

people who go to the grocery store for one specific item and leave with only that one specific item are built way different than me

checks tamagotchi watch: oh look it's time to be morbidly depressed about nothing in particular

also i am an alcoholic in recovery and it’s actually hilarious how much my tamagotchis have helped

no one actually knows what dinosaurs sound like. we just guessed. they could have mooed we don't know

Stop trying to fucking make me learn who streamers are

cat ran headfirst into my foot and then looked at me like I'm the dick

HOW CAN I BUILD A BEAR I’M NOT GOD

dried pinto beans in my pocket in case anyone wants to make a deal