Mathota

All these hot witches make sense once you know Dark Magic is an appetite suppressant.

Me when I look at the bathplug

As Gods Strongest Soldier, God gives me his Toughest Battles. I win Gods Toughest Battles easily, because I am Gods Strongest Soldier.

just became ten million times more evil

I invited all these hot witches to my New Moon party but instead of joining my Cult they are all making out and running away together.

The Elf queen keeps on killing any humans who don't find her The Fairest in the Land. All sounds like standard stuff until you read the leaked documents and realise this is part of an Ancient Elf eugenics project to selectively breed Humans to Simp for Elvish overlords.

Legalise recreational Time Travel

My goblin apprentice drank the Vial of Gender Fluid and now they've turned into a sexy Ooze.

Dune embodies every white man's power fantasy of being given an N-word pass against their will and being forced to use it at gunpoint

Love is a potent magical component for your Rituals, but just try getting it out of your friends with a juicer. Not. Easy.

[having a near death experience] oh my god I saw my ancestors. they told me the egyptians were right we need to start building pyramids right away you can in fact take it all with you

For someone who loves Lambs so much God was not doing them any favors when he made them really Yummy.

Using my chronomancy I shall go back in time to the 5th day, when God made Sea Serpents and Birds, and destroy the day itself. This will Destroy Fridays, creating a 4 day work week.

The following are True All who die cowardly deaths go to Hell There is no cowardly way to be killed by a Demon. They make any death brave in comparison to their horror. Anyone who summons a Demon will go to Hell. So: To maximise access to Heaven, we will be giving inmates scrolls of summon Demon

I cast: My line over this crystal clear water, hook baited, hoping to catch my meal for the day.

You think you’re having a bad day? I just learned I’m a sex cultist

I resent any loading bar that shows me 100%. No buddy if we are at 100% we are done don't be showing a loading bar show me the thing, don't tell me we are done just be done.

[Thinking of a resonable request for Charm Monster] Close your eyes and fail this save. I have a special present for you.

becoming ginger by pure psychic willpower

If you use the [Talk] option on your [Doctor] with [Currency] in your inventory, you can unlock a hidden tab for [Pharmaceuticals].

Im not joking guys the stone is missing.

Crafting my own boat because when God sends another flood I don't think he's letting me on his.

It's not a staff its a giants wand and the goodberries it makes are the size of watermelons.

If thou partook in the brown moon leaf, thou mayest want to see an apothecary

striking you down instantly with my psychic powers

They don't want you to know this but sometime between 2004 and 2023 The Sacred Greenstone (Pounamu), New Zealands contribution to the ritual circle surrounding the Eternal Flame of Peace, was Stolen from the International Peace Palace. This was the exact moment that Everything started to get worse.

Ive seen a lot of evil in my time and only 30% of it was justified by being rad as hell.

There was a blockage between the ų and ɗ Divine Sepharot and trying to fix them I kricked my back and accidentally aligned all my Chakras which released my stuck past lives which caused the Detonation of Nuclear Bomb in the past devistating Japan and kicking us 3ºFarenhight off the sacred Timeline.

Pro tip for Council meetings: Prepare a hot mug of your favorite elixir right as the meeting begins. Hold your palm against the mug for as long as you can, while maintaining composure, then gently remove, let your palm cool, then do it again. This will train pain tolerance, and pass the time.

You wouldn't know my Master, he's from another Realm.

I did yoga once and instantly activated all my chakras and have had no need to return since

Hate. Let me tell you how much I’ve come to hate Alchemists since I began to clean my bathroom. There are 387.44 million miles of enchanted runes in my tower. If “hate” were engraved on every nanoangstrom it wouldn’t equal one-billionth of the hate I feel for Alchemists at this microinstant. Hate.

Stupid lousy mundane universe with its no magic and stubborn fragile biology.

They dont even call it a mystic discountmart anymore. You go in and scrying orb costs 3 souls now. I would be fine with prices going up because we stopped using vat-grown goblin labor or something but we both know that aint whats happening. All the proceeds to right into the pocket of Big Soul.

They dont even call it a $2 store anymore. You go in and sketchpad $12. I would be fine with prices going up because we stopped using child slaves or something but we both know that aint whats happening.

I think you should be able to read all the star signs and pick your favorite I dont think we should be telling people who they are

The city is its people but the people are all undead thralls slaved to my will.

Anyone can have Class. But it takes Class to be a Wizard.

Alchemist are such bullshit They're all "Yeah there is a super cleaning elixir called bleach but you can't use it for anything because it'll turn you to soap" Well sorry for wanting to clean my bathroom you said you could help but instead you're coming here with some Midas-ass cursed exixr F-off

You would think escaping the Boneyard would be hard but you can just distract all the Bird guys if you show them your custom gold-plated Funko pop.

Dying is stupid. If I found myself in the Boneyard I would simply teleport back to the mortal realm. Easy as.

Beating my apprentice with a cursed rod of Wrath for not taking his union mandated breaks.

Am b now

Legalise recreational reincarnation

Sometimes I wonder if my scrying orb is just a glass sphere with a goblin inside, drawing pictures with crayons in his smokey bubble, pressing them up against the glass for me to see.

Legalise recreational reincarnation

Explaining to my doctor: "No this isn't from self harm, just freckles I didn't like got the knife is all"

Most machines are soulless automata, but this inclined plane comunes with me in my dreams.

I cast: My eyes over this sunrise landscape, and declare it beautiful.

You don't need a tower to reach God anymore even a modern crossbow will do it