knowfux

POV: the Spirit Halloween Reaper is coming to claim your failed capitalist soul

A Christ-on-the-cross car window decal with the caption “union lineman”

Mike’s Hard Times Create Strong Men

Survivor-themed church camp called “Survavior”

Pick your 5th Ninja Turtle: Arrivederci

Saw an ad for M&Ms today and honestly....if you don't know about M&Ms by now you are dumb as fuck

Mmmm Hot Giardia, my favorite flavor

Blue-footed boobies don’t get the love they deserve

You support the Sorceress?

Opening a 420 bakery named “Baked”

My mother-in-law is staying over, which means we’re watching some slop called “suddenly amish”

NEVER !! - dashare.zone ADMIN

Your Honor, if they don't want people sleeping in there, then why does it say "self storage" on the outside of the building?

Papa Murphy is the superior pizza daddy

i do genuinely think we need to jail every single person currently working for ICE

Trials for every ICE member.

Stickin my head out the window like a dang dog cuz the uber driver has the sniffles

Merry Christmas, my dad is an Arc Raider in real life

This year’s fantasy league punishment is sleeper agent activation

Downloaded a 12-page PDF for work and Adobe is immediately “WHOA!! You can’t POSSIBLY read all THAT! USE OUR AI!!!” Please fuck off i promise i’m literate, it’s literally how i found the pdf

NPR is so cool man they’ll end a horrific piece about genocide, play 8 seconds of the hardest beat ever made, then jump to a local story about a community garden accepting toenail clipping donations

rap duo called "they/them"

Saw a cybertruck with a disabled plate, seems redundant

*pulling up to a Wendy’s* There she is, there’s my girl. Always smiling, always happy to see me

Putting on my hazard lights so everyone knows i’m texting

Fuck the dodgers forever

The best part of being the one who cooks is when she's like "you made this for me 😍" and I'm like "all for you babe" while stuffing myself

i honestly have no idea what dave matthews looks like and i'm too scared to find out

*Nat King Cole leaving a negative review for a restaurant* It’s incredible, How something so Inedible Could be so Forgettable, too

The Dodgers are the Israel of baseball (same color scheme, unjustly funded and evil)

writing a book called "A BIT Too Far: Knowing When the Joke Has Ended"

Guy who puts Baywatch on at the dentist and get an uncomfortable boner during his cleaning

A dating show for geese called “Hiss or Honk”

*flexes right arm* FRIDGE *flexes left arm* FREEZER

if Jimmy Kimmel's political humor is too hot for you to handle, I'm not sure "snowflake" even cuts it as a term of derision for the level of fragility you've achieved

Casino themed baby nursery

@jonbois.bsky.social watching baseball (highlights)

This is art #SFGiants

(mf doom voice) he threw a sandwich cheese and salami, feds couldn't indict folded like origami, afraid of subway both the chain and the train, mayo salt and pepper shake your thang, grand jury shut em down twice, coca cola on the side no ice

National Dog Day!

Naming a kid “daddy” so it’s not weird when he gets older

Thinking of a guy who keeps mixing up “archeology” and “gynecology”

Just saw a DoorDash ad where the people drove by a restaurant saying “we’ll eat at home,” and then they got that same restaurant’s food delivered??? We are fucking cooked

AI filmmaking is peeing. It’s pooping. It’s throwing up. It’s a new kind of liquid coming out. It’s hated by the establishment. It’s what goes in the toilet. It’s wet. It’s what’s in the bathroom.

Microwaving leftover steak to embarrass my dad in front of his friend

In my smut era (reading romantasy books to my wife before bed)

Got the jersey, wore it all game last night, and Bailey hit his walk off inside the park HR

Whenever I want to do a bit about something funny my wife does i have my arms around saying “WARNING WARNING ITS JUST A BIT” (it doesn’t work)

Racoon: what is this stuff? Me: it’s our garbage Racoon: it’s delicious, I understand why you chase me away from it, do you eat it? Me: no we’re trying to get rid of it Racoon: ok I guess I don’t fucking understand at all then