john freiler

"if they ever bring the cryptkeeper back, i wish for the filmmakers to build an old school practical animatronic instead of going the boring CGI route," i whisper. a finger on the monkey's paw curls inward

latest trivago ad is just soundless black and white film of the european men with too-big veneers carrying out the black dahlia murder. unclear how these guys were the same age in 1947, or how this is supposed to sell hotel rooms

christmas is for tourists. i am visited every night by ghosts who tell me what an asshole i am

commercial with kevin hart as the elf on the shelf is an eldritch horror. a collection of images unfit to be seen by living eyes. a diseased media hallucination from an unsound mind. i am infuriated that i'm only just seeing it on december 24

if all these psycho right-wing government officials can do press conferences while obviously fucked up on coke, i should be allowed to have my school bus driving job back

saw a really interesting investigation on 60 minutes last night, during their "the best of andy rooney" clip show. i had no idea ziploc bags have become that difficult to open and close

[ebenezer scrooge, after a ghost shows him a vision of my pathetic life on christmas eve]: hm. well.....it's sad, that's for sure. i mean, i see what you're going for here but....he's just not that sympathetic? i still feel pretty good about the layoffs

los angeles film critics association announces its choice for the best movie of 2025, and for the 36th year in a row, it's abel ferrara's king of new york. the announcement clarifies, "every movie since then has been kind of a letdown"

we need to get everyone in america their own syndicated comic strip immediately

just want to do mushrooms and see new avatar movies in peace but every time one of these things comes out cameron does a press tour where he's like, "yeah i'm a billionaire now. i'm going to lead the industry in AI filmmaking. also kathryn bigelow didn't write point break"

and if you gaze too long into an abyss, the abyss turns you into aaron rupar

did u guys hear they are making a biopic of the new radicals. andrew garfield is going to play the annoying guy in the bucket hat. andy serkis is playing the bucket hat

doordash holiday ads concept is "if you're a total moron and forgot to thaw the turkey and buy your dumb kids presents, you can easily doordash a fully unfrozen turkey and a bicycle on christmas morning." sure ok!

one cool thing about having a pipe burst under your house is it gives you the opportunity to check out the latest in insurance company telephone hold music. haha just kidding, i thought it'd feel better to write that instead of "i give up, this is my watery tomb now"

most filmmakers shouldn’t worry about being replaced with AI, but i am terrified bc i’ve been in post for 6 years on a movie about a guy who is so fat he collapses a bridge

[misunderstanding everyone's cryptic posts about "when it happens"]: yes that's right.......i will also cheer when jay mohr's sitcom 'action' finally arrives on a streaming platform

well, that’s the last straw for me. deactivating my truth social account now

one of the great pleasures of the every-couple-years deadwood rewatch is getting to hear powers boothe tell kristen bell she has the eyes of a weasel and then make fun of her for having a fractured skull. 👍👍

if someone is going to produce an awful remake of silent night deadly night every 10 years, they should at least set one of them in space. people used to know how to make lousy slasher movies

my brother is an ironworker so i asked him his thoughts on the time magazine cover

Both David Lynch and David Cronenberg were in the running to direct Return of the Jedi, but Stanley Kubrick actually had the job for about a day until George Lucas fired him.

it's nice that pandora's ads proudly specify that their diamonds are lab-grown, but i don't love that the slogan is "if she was with you for money, she would have left already"

just saw someone on here pretend to be unfamiliar with the phrase “hawk tuah.” having fun imagining a person who has too much dignity to know that phrase, but who also posts regularly on the “hourly updates on rfk jr’s ass-eating conquests” app

oh yeah i am for sure going to watch a three minute video where the sci-fi novelist who used to pretend to be asian does cultural analysis on a cartoon about waiting in line for coffee. i would not rather climb into a dishwasher and have it run on a heavy wash setting, than watch that

the “bank robbers” in the opening credits of batman the animated series are carrying no money when batman assaults them unprovoked. there’s no proof they were even in that bank

I’ve seen enough. It is time to arrest Jeffrey Epstein.

this looks like when you're 10 and reading a michael crichton book and you realize you're gonna have to get through like 60 straight pages of this before he gets back to the fucking dinosaurs

don’t confuse the years-long protection of a network of wealthy and govt-connected pedophiles with something big and bad, you guys. may cooler heads prevail here

there's a new letterboxd guy whose whole deal is utterly despising movies, even more than the last letterboxd guy who hates movies. they should make a separate letterboxd for people who are not approaching movies like matt yglesias posts they can quote tweet

there is more evidence linking donald trump to pedophilia than evidence linking ted bundy to serial murder

when that lion roars at the beginning of the movie, he's asking why you don't hear as much about woody allen anymore

wait a minute. you're telling me the edgar wright running man adaptation is an annoying mess that squanders the grim satire of the book? the one where michael cera is doin super soaker pranks in the trailer?? i don't believe you

rip sally kirkland and her incredible acting style of "what if gena rowlands in a woman under the influence just wanted to party"

day two of everybody talking about joyce carol oates like she physically beheaded elon and didn’t just lightly suggest that he should see some movies. i could do another week of this, easy

[prerecorded video playing for arm & hammer ceo who just woke up in a saw trap]: hello. i want to play a game. your super scoop cat litter is "guaranteed" to clump for easy cleanup, yet every time i clean a litterbox i'm met with gluey clay. when the timer starts, the room will fill with cat urine

trump should just say that they're cancelling all those flights to protect people from boeing's planes. seems like a slam dunk

watching last night's snl. always weird when an athlete hosts the show, stumbling awkwardly through the dialogue, unable to sell the jokes. i'm not familiar with this guy - no idea what sport "miles teller" even plays

disappointed to see today's peacock marketing email claiming to be the home of the amityville series of films. they don't even have amityville vibrator on there

(immigration judge to border patrol commander wearing head-to-toe vintage 1933 hugo boss uniform): i respectfully request that you wear a body cam

just saw a commercial where a parent asks a child about the pillsbury doughboy, "is he always this extra?" and i have decided to develop a chemical weapon that will give the world population aphasia

what an unbelievably stupid idea. i would pay to see, at minimum, twelve of these

remember in like 2017 when you'd try to tell your lib parents that an OK hand sign or a glass of milk emoji was nazi symbology now and they'd look at you like u were a raving lunatic. the good old days

a conversation between bruce springsteen and jeremy allen white BRUCE: one thing i don't get is why you guys don't price those italian beef sandwiches way higher. if you're that popular, you can really squeeze people. JEREMY: does anyone want me to take off my shirt

pretending that robert altman's short cuts had a subplot about james spader waiting at the dmv. seeing how long i can go before someone calls me on it

couple months ago i saw one of my town’s 2 or 3 cybertrucks out on the road and i gave it a big thumbs down. as the driver passed me he gave me a thumbs up in response. these fucking morons can’t even flip people off right

peacock......what did you just say to me

needed a pick-me-up so i’m watching henry: portrait of a serial killer

scamming customers by asking for a debit pin # on all transactions so companies evade the processing fees sure seems like a crime. good thing it’s not every retail business in america doing it