Andy Beckerman

Life in the 21st century

THANK GOD this just arrived! I was worried I was going to have vote without getting to first hear the unhinged input of a slew of violent oafs! Plus, every guide comes with a coupon for a free beating!

Some distraction from dystopia with a brand-new episode of Beginnings... Good times with Will and Roddy of Imperial Teen! High school musicals, Los Angeles in the 1970s and ‘80s, Confessional qualms, learning to rebel and MORE! 🎧 tinyurl.com/BeginningsIm...

Every actor’s IMDB bio:

The way the ruling elite continually sells harms - Gen AI use or repeated Covid infections for example - that are completely preventable as if they are *already* the staus quo reads like, “If eating shit right out of the toilet is now part of defecating, do we need toilets equipped with spoons?”

I’m bringing Ronald Reagan back to life in order to make Jodie Foster hate me.

*pulling a copy of Nothing But Trouble out of my backpack* “Look, I know you want me to talk about Truffaut or whatever other shit you have in your closet here - Altman? - but I just want to talk about Dan Ackroyd’s prosthetic penis nose and those two freak twins, okay?”

From Edy Modica’s episode a few weeks ago… the truth about cats and dogs…

I did not think that the ultimate theme of Michael Mann’s Thief was going to be the alienation of the worker under the forces of market capitalism.

Some distraction from dystopia with a brand-new episode of Beginnings... Great talk with @robcrow.bsky.social of Pinback & Goblin Cock and so many other bands! Turning trauma into art, the Pine Barrens, schoolyard bullies, heavy sighs, needing to be honest + MORE! 🎧 tinyurl.com/BeginningsRo...

No matter what the problem, Dems should kneel in kente cloth to apologize. Refusing to pass Medicare for All & data center moratoriums? Kneel in kente cloth. Actively sabotaging progressive candidates? Kneel in kente cloth. Not paying the bill to the company that manufactures your kente cloth? etc.

I saw Halloween (1978) for the first time last night. I know it's a trope, but the sheriff seemed particularly blithe

I wonder what was the last straw for this spam pollster texting me

I saw Halloween (1978) for the first time last night. I know it's a trope, but the sheriff seemed particularly blithe

I got a Yoshinoya Beef Bowl the other day, and it was just hooves. No sauce, no veggies, raw as the day is long. I sent them out for genetic testing only to find out that weren’t even bovine! They were goat hooves! In a beef bowl!

Move over weird green Just for Laughs mascot guy, because the Riyadh Comedy Festival is excited to announce their new spokescreature: Dismemby the Bonesaw!

Have we all entered the blue box from Mulholland Drive? Has the Black Lodge emptied out into our world?

I’m not the savviest businessperson, so maybe I just don’t understand how Skydance gets to operate as a normal business when it starts out $80 billion in debt when one time, I accidentally overdrew by $10, and my bank hounded me and kept adding on overdraft fees

It's all over if AI stand-ups ever learn to date teenagers and sexually assault their fans.

I don't know what's up Randy Newman's butt, but his "Short People" update is really insane

I don't know what's up Randy Newman's butt, but his "Short People" update is really insane

I had a great time talking with Andy about stepping on multiple metaphoric rakes throughout my life and career. Have a listen!

Some distraction from dystopia with a brand-new episode of Beginnings... A masterclass on the emotions & business of comics by the great @evandorkin.bsky.social! The “dangerous” 1970s NYC, becoming fearful, feeling like a screw-up, not wanting to be perceived + MORE! 🎧 tinyurl.com/BeginningsDo...

Music criticism may be subjective, but there is one objective truth: if a writer says a band "sounds like Pavement", that band absolutely sounds like any other band in the history of recorded music

For sale: Pagliacci tickets, never used

Apologies, but it's one of those things I had to make in order to stop my brain from continually thinking it

I don’t necessarily want the AI bubble to burst because it will wreck a 2008-like economic crash, but if a byproduct of that is that it takes out Oracle (who are over leveraged with data centers) & the family who owns it, I will be smiling from my dirt hovel while I cook my boot stew

listen to my song “texas diarrhea bucket” or you are a snob

Some distraction from dystopia with a brand-new episode of Beginnings... Great talk with @hutchharris.bsky.social of The Thermals! Growing up in Silicon Valley, industrial musicals, the reality of making music for a living, acting camp + MORE! 🎧 tinyurl.com/BeginningsHu...

Covid is fairly dangerous & N95s work to mitigate it. What’s the best way to combat the tidal wave of propaganda telling people the opposite though? Oh! What if a handful of loud, grotesque, off-putting, uncharismatic narcissists were the face of masking? That should turn the tide!

One of the things I'm really treasuring about this historical moment is the unrelenting stream of negative news, like a psychic Pompeii in slow motion.

It continually breaks my brain that the same president who spent decades of political capital to aid & abet a genocide was the same guy who was like, “Covid’s nothing! It’s barely a cold, you fucking pussies!” And 95% of the Left was like, “I’ll trust the mass murderer on this one specific issue!”

He's ready to vote on the "Monkeys Hosting 1950s Dance Show" Act

FCC lets Paramount sell 49.5% equity stake to Saudi Arabia and two hours later, this is announced:

FCC lets Paramount sell 49.5% equity stake to Saudi Arabia and two hours later, this is announced:

I hope this isn’t why the FBI dropped the beastiality disqualification

The Zeitgeist: growing class consciousness; spreading contempt for the ruling class and their endemic corruption TV executives: "What if the main character of every show was a billionaire?"

Some distraction from dystopia with a brand-new episode of Beginnings... Great talk with Lira and Caufield of Sweeping Promises! Making art under fascism, academia, labor consciousness, existential naivete and MORE! 🎧 tinyurl.com/BeginningsSP...

*Reacher, covered in blood and knife wounds, being pursued by NYPD, FBI and CIA* “I need to blend in.” *puts on a soiled baseball cap he found in a dumpster* “That should do it.”

Hold on, the fundamentally defective technology that is poised to destroy the economy, costs exponentially more than it makes, uses so much water it leaves whole counties withered, taxes the electrical grid beyond capacity & literally poisons every community that hosts a data center is DANGEROUS?!?!

Today's the day I submit my proposal for a monument memorializing the victims of American violence. It is a giant piss-filled cube containing the corpses of war criminals like Dick Cheney. Hope Congress approves of it!

Today's the day I submit my proposal for a monument memorializing the victims of American violence. It is a giant piss-filled cube containing the corpses of war criminals like Dick Cheney. Hope Congress approves of it!

“The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world I don’t…he didn’t exist. Shit.” –definitely not The Devil

One of the things that keeps me up at night is the fear that AI will learn how to drink piss better than humans are able to. Can you imagine? Laptops using robot arms to dump mason jar after mason jar filled with hot piss all over the mainframe or whatever? Absolutely chilling.

I put my sunglasses on in one smooth motion and pop the collar of my leather jacket. Glancing over my shoulder, I mutter, "Sometimes, you have to live dangerously." I pop an American-grown strawberry in my mouth and immediately shit my jeans so badly I am hospitalized for the next year.

Some distraction from dystopia with a brand-new episode of Beginnings... Thoughtful times with the wonderful David Rees, creator of Get Your War On! The performative self, not planning ahead existentially, sitting in silence, SST Records + MORE! 🎧 tinyurl.com/BeginningsDR...

Comedy Central just started to make clips of old stand-up... what the heck was going on in the 1980s?

Comedy Central just started to make clips of old stand-up... what the heck was going on in the 1980s?