Jermothy Raccoon

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Jared Kushner Elon Musk Stephen Miller Steve Witkoff Felon 47 They all belong in prison. America needs our own Nuremberg trials.

Look, I saw You Can See Everything a few days ago and while I do not believe her to be innocent nor a victim, is defrauding people like Rupert Murdoch, Betsy DeVos and Henry freaking Kissinger all that bad? Eleven years and 450 million in restitution seems a bit steep.

Albania's corrupt government secretly sold a popular nature preserve to Jared Kushner to be bulldozed for an exclusive resort, and Albanians responded by burning everything to the ground.

Ruin a book by adding a word The Joy Luck Fight Club

That Shane Gillis monologue was incredible, they should have him back every year. I may fly to New York next year just to watch him bomb live in front of the world in person. Bro really thought name dropping Theo Von and Joe Rogan was gonna get a positive crowd response? LOL, freaking hack.

A televised execution by firing squad? BORING!!! Dude's in a wheel chair, roll his ass down one of those Olympic ski jumps. Let's Evel Knievel this thing. Ratings Bonanza. Hell, if you still want guns have the executioners take shots at him whilst airborne.

Parenting pro tip: buy your child a whoopie cushion

Ia 25 days enough time to learn how to carve ED-209 into a pumpkin?

We gotta start referring to data centers by both their mother and father's last names, Spain style. The Microsoft-Chevron data center, the Meta-ExxonMobil data center, and so forth. Absolutely no reason just the tech bros should be taking the heat on this shit

I propose a Constitutional amendment banning anyone from office if they've ever been on reality television.

Making All Gas Astronomical

I'm not googling Fat Bear week. Feels like a trap.

Not me singing Skattebooooo....to the tune of the Pixies "Caribou."

Have noticed that the same billionaire men selling AI doomerism also claim to be selling the cure.

I just saw someone on Instagram say that we now have the pet cemetery version of Mitch 😳😂

A Perfect Strangers reboot where Balki gets detained by ICE and cousin Larry has to track him down with the help of his daughter who happens to be an immigration attorney played by Sarah Squirm. Coming this Fall on NBC!

Cartoonist: Slyngstad

If the folks creating AI are calling for guard rails they've already lost control and are trying to mitigate their financial exposure to whatever horror they've unleashed upon us. Happy Monday everybody!

Ella Langley's success is proof that white people love listening to bland, soulless elevator music while they wait in line at Starbucks.

Clearly I'm no cyber security expert but, how hard could it be to teach a robot to check the box that says I'm not a robot?

They hate him. They really hate him.

Starting a bluegrass band that does covers of 80's hair metal. Calling it BanJo Vi.

This is what modern political scientists call “The Finding Out Part.” Please read, subscribe & share: johnfugelsang.substack.com/p/the-boot-d...

The odds of a grave digger being named Berry Peoples are slim but never zero.

If we could just channel the disdain folks have for flock cameras towards billionaires I think we'd be onto something.

ICE got Milo? LOL. Do Enrique Tarrio and Nick Fuentes next!!

I guess you have to hand it to Imagine Dragons for sounding like AI slop before AI slop existed. Way to peek into the future fellas.

Me dodging these food recalls like Neo in the matrix. Lettuce...nope, jalapeños...nope, blueberries...nope, sprouts...lol.

Vote like your life depends on it, or the life of a friend, relative, or neighbor. Because it does. We’re the decoys now.

Awaiting @minakimes.bsky.social review of Ep 5 of Furious.

RIP to Cooter from Dukes of Hazard. Boner from Growing Pains could not be reached for coment.

"Liberal bubble" has only ever meant anywhere where right wing perspectives aren't artificially elevated and forced into everyone's feeds.

Do Cybertruck drivers have support groups where they complain about everyone flipping them off in traffic?

Shall I compare thee to a Summer's Eve douche?

Has anyone used Kalshi? Would it be possible for me to wager on the next preventable foodborne illness breakout caused by Elon's Doge cuts? I gotta hunch on botulism.

Actually did the reboot on the work computer instead of hitting postpone. That counts as my good deed for the year. Shop's closed everybody!

The strange thing is this guy was voted "Most likely to sell Crock-Pot chili from the back row of a movie theater" in high school.

And we go live to Mitch McConnell!

Ben Stiller is 100% gonna place his soda in the new Focker movie.

So, in the year 2076 are we gonna get the I play I play Rocky movie?

If the name on your birth certificate is Ray Ray would your nickname be Ray Ray Ray or Ray Ray Ray Ray?

Booing Donald Trump is the closest thing to a national anthem for the world.

The longer this match goes the fuller his diaper will be when it's trophy time. Winning team is gonna need nose plugs.

An alternative title to The Bride of Frankenstein could've been Project Hell Marry.

In honor of Beck's 56 birthday and Kevin Bacon's 68th I shall now play Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon with Beck. Beck was in The Circle with Tom Hanks who was in Apollo 13 with Kevin Bacon. Really thought would be harder.

Adam Sandler should release an album of metal covers and call it Enter Sandman.

"Algae Zeera." I'm dying.