Lofi.witticisms.bat

Well well well if it isn't the guy whose lawn I woke up on

#SpookyMonth64

bet I could fit my whole head in big bird’s cloaca

single hot accounts in your area seeking pivot

If, by finding my calling, you mean early retirement then, yes, I’ve found my calling.

Love myself? I’m not even my type.

i bet Icarus burned the roof of his mouth

we can believe that we are butter

it’s like you post a few thousand things on the internet and then suddenly you can't stop

[looking in the mirror] ugh i look more like age against the machine

i worry that men think being A Good Guy is dramatically and heroically intervening on behalf of an endangered woman and then being publicly rewarded on a grand scale when actually being A Good Guy is just usually saying, “hey man that’s not funny” or “wow that’s fucked up” and there is no reward

Apparently Services Australia are upset over this image as made by JP As a former “client” of those insufferable clowns, I am so upset for them

Why didn’t the Beatles just fly on the eagles instead of taking the long and winding road?

[my life big twist ending reveal] …you’re saying I’ve been me this whole time?

“let’s get one thing straight” - inventor of the level

rebranding cheese as HARD MILK

Yes but what of the early worm? …to shreds you say

Why's everyone gross all of the sudden (instead of net)?

Caught my cat smoking a cigarette out behind my garage

Hoe vinden Meta-medewerkers hun eigen Meta-bril? (Samen met @bitsoffreedom.eurosky.social)

rowed nineteen hours through fog and stormy seas to reach Monster Island, only to discover it's just a rock someone glued googly eyes to

medieval queen: ugh. really king: we listened to divers tales of cruel murder this morning queen: fine. goodnight my love fool: *whispers* what's up your majesties. tonight i'll be playing a classic game yall probably remember from the 890s, that's right guys we're playing at Chess

Joie de vivre? In this economy?

I just ran the numbers, and i've come to the conclusion, fuck this.

HEY MOM, THE FOUR HORSEMEN ARE HERE AGAIN. I THINK THEY'RE LOOKING FOR THE FIFTH DENTIST.

the sun shall never set on my big fat ass

There Was A Sign-In To Your Account From A Device You Don't Normally Use. Why Did You Do This. Is The New Device Better. What Kind Of Device Did You Get. Can I See Your New Device Please. Show Me Your New Device Now

REMEMBER TO UPDATE TITLE BEFORE THIS GOES LIVE - ASHLYN is $10.99 on Woot buff.ly/BmSUfN6 #ad

lol go ahead and report me to HR, I don’t even work here

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