Scare a Clara Thomas

Just what my Christmas tree needed

Places are everywhere

"He's handling this situation quite poorly." -me assessing the actions of a character in a comedy sketch

Call overheard from the Tampa dugout "Mom, can you pick me up from World Series? I'm not having fun."

Blue MAGA when they see wrestling on their timeline:

My number one deadnaming source this year, by FAR, has been Democratic fundraising texts.

people who fight clean die in the ambulance

Trees always have ants, spiders, and a third thing on them. It's the rule of trees.

Enter CLARA (40, an unsettling amalgamation of secondary gender characteristics)

That's the mule. That's the foal now.

We talk so much of the Simpsons golden era, but we must remember that we didn't get Johnny Tightlips until season 12

baseball is good because it’s a sport of scheming viziers. what is a head coach but a king. and what is an assistant but a guy who says shit like “most excellent, my liege”

It's no fun without Lincoln Chafee.

The Kwisatz Haderach was a skilled piss drinker before even arriving on Arrakis

Gobble chicken = turkey Jambos = pajamas

Class solidarity

boy in midwest small town: how many outs in an inning? me: *chuckling knowingly* at least three

The Ultimate Improv Show is great if you want to watch a team of top-tier improvisors and one other person

At Waffle House I get my hash browns smothered, covered, chopped, and unc

A good fresh Star Trek take on those fake isekai title jokes

Laid off 💖

I agree.

Devastating insult in an 80s coming-of-age film

These guys are giving piss drinkers a bad name.

Would you put Roosevelt on your Mount Rushmore of presidents

Player Profile: Pete Crow-Armstrong theonion.com/player-profi...

I'm a fruit that slaps so hard it's like I've got a palm of granite

Batman Day isn't fun for everybody. Please check on your superstitious and cowardly loved ones today.

It’s very simple and it’s been said over and over but I guess it needs saying continuously: if you deem one group too small to have equal rights you are enabling fascism, not fighting it. The people saying Dems are GREAT on trans rights are not paying attention and/or saying stuff like this.

I heard that jobs are doing well. I would like a job very much. Just one job, please

ACAB includes Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

Refusing to have an opinion is tacit support of the status quo.

Oh no, our product is too good! You have to stop us because it's too good!

NFL players love jumping into the arms of drunk MBAs

NFL crowds are a great place to see all the lawyers and dealership owners in a city

Dana Scully influenced a lot of women to pursue STEM careers and a lot of folks in STEM careers to pursue womanhood.

They chose to hate trans people because culture allowed them to. They will hate whoever they can get away with.