Tony Hawk’s Mass Grave

What do you mean there’s no exchange rate for turning my 50,000 Last.fm scrobbles into ISK? I’m at the Icelandic Embassy straight SCREAMING at the foreign services cashier

Pete Buttigieg names Bratty Latina in Cookie Monster Sweatpants as VP runningmate for his 2028 presidential campaign. Early polling show Texas, Louisiana, and Oklahoma flipped blue

Bygods!! Some maligned spellcaster has ensorcelled this bowl of skyline chili with a potent alchemy enchantment. Beware, traveler, for all beans consumed from thy cursed bowl will transmutate to shit and vomit!!!

My gastroenterologist flunked out of film school before going medical, god I hate him. He’s been doing vertigo zooms into my colon for the past 20 minutes

My bombaclaat children skylarking to the divorce lawyer that I’m “hot steppin” and “only feed them fast food”

Wearing my theme park fake Rasta dreads to the custody hearing: Jamaican me divorce you, Eloise???

No ethical uses of AI? Uh, buddy, I seen people make ‘em generate a bunch’a naked ladies. And you’s’a complaining?

The Ringo movie is a GRWM Daily Routine video. The Ringo movie is a “Did I just record the song of the summer?” Tiktok. The Ringo movie is being released on Instagram in 52 discrete one-minute reels

The John movie is a 12-hour video essay takedown and Yoko Ono hit piece. The Ringo movie is a 15 minute episode of going grocery shopping in a slice of life anime

Think about it… If everyone planted one personal tomato plant. We could pump and dump the H.J Heinz Company

Roy Orbison girth to taint ratio

Laughing at the idea of the world’s greatest veterinarian surgeon. Mopping up the brow sweat post-op before sliding the nebulizer mask over a chimpanzee’s face

My wrist akira sliding between the tits on my anime mousepad towards the mouse

Bartending is a lot like piloting. 200 mojitos must be logged before you’re allowed to captain a divebar

Guy with piss kink who got into jellyfish breeding so he could release them whenever he goes to the beach

Memento-style tattoo on my cock that says “the piss comes out of here’

My special comes out today

*knock knock knock* David Byrne? You okay little guy? Your suit is so little and well fitting, is everything alright?

Guy at the New Rave concert getting a handy from the glove girl with the laser pointer fingers: Siiiiiiigh, it’s just not the same as the OLD rave

Oh, you play Violin? Like, Mussolini’s Hobby? Wow dude

Minecraft Manhunt: One Le’Veon Bell vs. 5 Process Server child support warrants

Antonio Brown removed from whitelist for griefing hotel balcony

Johnny Cash - Live at Folsom Street Fair San Francisco, the world's largest leather and BDSM celebration

Who wants to play hunger games on ex-Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin’s urban development Minecraft world?

She up late celebrating twisting my shit like a confetti cannon

Rubbing alcohol in the bang energy.. I’m deriving the four loko from base principles

7-11 is running a back-to-school sale promotion on zyns and disposable vapes

Guy who breaks up with his partner via greentext

Life was sweeter when Christoph Waltz was in the zeitgeist

Kids just don’t run with scissors like they used to

Djo “End of Beginning” Parody: And when I shit my slacks in Chicago I feel it Another version of pee You can take the man out of the shitty Not the shitty out the pants

Just about the most homoerotic thing I’ve ever read

If just once in my life a cinnamon raisin bagel tasted as good as it smelled, i could die a happy man

Inquiring at my MtF friend: a Quest-shun-oni, my progest-er-oni

The amount of things I’d fuck is close to the amount of things. Put that on my tombstone

We’re rolling 40 deep off 60 tabs of antacid, swag surfin’ at the texas de brazil. We live for open bar weddings, we LIVE for disney bar trivia night— we live to die young. Tomorrow I wake up in either Rio De Janeiro or Hell, and either way, tonight I’m making DAMN sure I won’t know how I got there.

We’re rolling 40 deep off 60 tabs of antacid, swag surfin’ at the texas de brazil. We live for open bar weddings, we LIVE for disney bar trivia night— we live to die young. Tomorrow I wake up in either Rio De Janeiro or Hell, and either way, tonight I’m making DAMN sure I won’t know how I got there.

I’m at the Boris concert observing the drone rockers. I’m yelling shit from the back of the venue like “Yo they’re sustaining the FUCK out of this D7sus4 chord, open up the fucking pit!!!!”

Northwestern Ella Langley: “He’s choosing Gonzaga I can tell”

The official chardonnay of the NFL

Steve-o goes Electric at Newport Folk Festival (5000 volt shock to his nuts)

Gnawing on another head of the Taco Bell diuretic lettuce, living mas tonight

I’m a white collar alchemist. Working on an archaic transmutation that turns Excel Spreadsheets into footlong turkey clubs. The name of the spell is “direct deposit”

Lorde “Royals” Parody: I’ve never seen a hymen in the flesh

UN Speaker: Before we sign the Israel-Palestine International Peace Accord, what say you, child philosopher? Child Philosopher: he who sits where he shits is one less a diaper UN Assembly: *grumbling agreement, frantic note taking*

Funniest thumbnail + video titles combo I’ve ever seen. Head canon of a Misogynist techbro in shambles at this news

fuck-my-pissy is it cool if I get in on this? @aoc.bsky.social chicken jockey!!!!!!

catapult. ballista. trebuchet. Yea, if you’re a siege weapon of ancient civilization warfare, you best expect they give you a kickass name