Stan Bileschi

1. He will fuck you over 2. He will lie about it and blame someone you hate 3. You will believe it (You only have power over #3)

Jair Bolsonaro has been admitted to hospital again

Pirates Booty is latin. The singular is Pirates Bootum

“He’s got the White House looking like Saddam Hussein opened up a Cheesecake Factory” — Obama

Scientists discover first animal that sucked

“oh nooo all my dumbass thoughts” like im never gonna have a dumbass thought again

If you’re wondering what the vibe is going into the midterms the New England fall fair I went to today had a crochet guillotine for sale.

Liberty Biberty got milkshake-ducked

a grandmotherly woman just got booted from the Trump rally for protesting, and she went out like a hero talking trash and flipping the double bird

“Jar Jar Stinks” Free title for a movie review from 25 years ago

(Stares at the bummer machine on and off for 16 straight hours): “Well this sucks!”

Good, but knowing sth is “genuinely fake” is not remotely as valuable as “genuinely real” Google pixel should adopt a cryptographically verifiable standard for its cameras

Blessed are the fast, for they shall escape evil Blessed is the family, for they protect and sustain my body Blessed are the furious, for their rightousness to the cause Blessed is this big metal box, that I drag with my car

I hate when an ER nurse asks you to rate your pain and when you say "I dunno, I have no frame of reference, what even is a 6, it's whatever number 'bad' is", they look at you like you're being an asshole As if that isn't the most obvious complaint about the most bullshit scale in modern medicine

Per @anildash.com "being able to say, 'wherever you get your podcasts' is a radical statement." AT Protocol and ActivityPub allows you to say 'wherever you get your posts'.

Trump is personally behind a series of taxpayer-funded ads promoting himself and his policies, a source tells CNN. Ryan Goodman, former DOD Special Counsel, tells Erin Burnett the law is clear, "if executive officials use public funds that have not been appropriated, it's a crime." cnn.it/4yY9RKA

"why would I deceive you?"

It’s not like I’m going to get to the end of a Doom game and wish I’d been more emotionally invested in the personal journey of my character The Doom Murderer

Impeach all the liars who said they had conversations with him, after you impeach his propped-up corpse.

I have officially renamed all portable toilets to "Trumps" (for travel-dump) thank you for your attention in this matter

So this is what it feels like to be embarrassed for an entire country.

this is what the segments would look like on a left-wing fox news right now - should trump be impeached over gas prices? - a count of the number of times he said the strait was opened - hegseths obsession with erect penis and hairless bodies - another gas price segment - silly animals

mmygod

I'm really sorry to do this to you dude. I'm casting Meteor on your ass.

This story is now remarkably familiar across big tech; everyone’s burned out, no job security and there’s AI slop code & documents everywhere. This doesn’t seem sustainable and many companies are coasting on the bad job market to create inhospitable working conditions. Eventually things will break

Your family is psychically vulnerable to President Carter’s wandering spirit. He can enter minds and infect them with thoughts of solar panels. To prevent this you can make or buy a specially designed net to ensnare his ghost, and it’s also a piece of art that brings both protection and beauty.

The king says "ah, but I'm creative and can extract revenue that isn't called a tax. And, neat trick, now I can spend it on creating my own personal army that Parliament didn't authorize." This was fought out, 350 years ago. 4/

Fed buys strategic trumpcoin reserve when

"I think we can all tell the difference between trolls who do what they do to mock women's sports, and trans kids who are looking for a team and a sense of belonging. And when these issues come up, I trust that local schools and athletic groups will be up to the task without federal intervention."

just got arrested for going up to a police officer while wearing meta glasses and saying "computer, transfer $100,000 from this officer's bank account into my account" and then waving my hands like a magician

as things fell apart / nobody paid much attention

I do think “every rich person went insane during covid because it was the first time they’ve been inconvenienced in decades” felt a little reductive at first but damn if isn’t more and more compelling as the years drag on

Immortality. Longer/Wider Genitals. Infinite Brain Power. The Secret Is Fish Milk.

Play basketball with an aptitude such that others wish to pressure me with financial penalties

its time.

[Gordon Gecko voice] : Bigotry, ladies and gentlmen, is … good!

[Statement from 2028] - Bullshit time is over

[Statement from 2028] - Bullshit time is over

The opposite of liberal is not “conservative”. The opposite of liberal is “bigoted”.

did bluesky hear about Miss Teen Indiana’s Garfield costume