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It was so cool when the four heroes of legend led their rag-tag army of outcasts and talking animals into battle. But it sucked when the arch-wizard killed the whole group with a sheet lightning spell.

What do you mean the dark lord conquered our kingdom and enslaved the population that's illegal he can't do that

The council decrees: we are hungry, but we don't know what we want to eat. Can you name a few options?

Word on the street is that killing the quest giver provides an immediate and overwhelming sense of relief.

In an enchanted mirror, if you lure your counterpart into kissing you through the mirror, you can trap them in the mirror world, while you take their place in the material world. But only if they kiss you on the lips.

Welcome to the bartizan. You can shoot arrows out of the arrow slit if you want to, but most of us spend our turn at the slit gazing at stars.

Are my items in it because it's my inventory, or is it my inventory because my items are in it?

I'm going to check out that mysterious uncharted land no explorer has yet returned from alive

I was born chaotic evil and I sure as hell ain't changing for you.

Seen inscribed upon a buckler: "I was levied into this army before the king turned from lawful evil to neutral evil."

Evil bards playing a minor-key fugue on ebony harps.

"Ice wizards kept the kingdom under a curse of ceaseless winter for 100 years." Improbable. Do you know how much mana that would require?

nice attack, unfortunately i've coated myself in a powerful defensive balm

Wizards have enclosed the palace in a dome of ice! The king is shouting and beating his fists upon the inner surface of the dome! He looks cold!

God this temple has so many steps. Can't you just sacrifice me here

The radiant man: Hello. The iridescent slime covering my body is exclusively for facilitating gas exchange. Do not worry, there are no secreted toxins :o) Me, hand outstretched: pleased to meet ya

We used an ancient incantation to send Elphar whirling high into the air. He spun faster and faster until he came apart — nasty!

Nearby hobgoblin matrons pitched in to make you this bottle of gray milk. Welcome to the neighborhood.

Earthquake did 500000000000 damage to my hut.

"He was just a maceman." Put some respect on his name. He was also an ex-husband and a gambling addict.

Random drop my ass. These six to eleven shuriken have been passed down through my family for generations.

My dead husband came back as a skeleton — but I'd already remarried a better-looking skeleton!

Not the Shrike impaling my white ass onto the Tree of Pain

The reagents industry doesn't want you to know that the power is already inside you.

I'm not "done with slavery." Don't misquote me. I'm just taking a break.

You're still valid as a general even if your army is encircled and utterly defeated

A strange residue on the rim of my favourite goblet today

My satirical woodcut of your station in life has taken the parish by storm

Using weapons of unsurpassed violence against my enemies.

Ripping open a pixie nest and gorging myself on the grubs within.

The ones you call "heroes" are actually powerful, violent freaks who travel the countryside murdering every creature they encounter.

A hero barged into my house and stole my extra life. I was saving that for my diseased child...

An insane man who claimed to be a hero used a bomb to blow open an entrance to my secret cave. It's total bullshit.

My beholder doesn't like your aspect.

All these corpses in the mausoleum with coins under their tongues... poisoned coins?

has anyone seen my scepter? worked of fine silver, inlaid with amethysts & porphyry, emits a low thrum from moonrise to moonset?

Your firstborn twin I bless with the power to change the hearts of men. To your secondborn twin I grant the ability to detect nearby cheeses.

So-called bone biome turns out to be mostly teeth. Our vacation is ruined.

When the poison heals the skeleton >>>

The way all my rivals are villains.

expecting a bite when the carnivorous snail catches up to me

Starving citizens have rioted and torn down the Boy King's tree fort. The king's mangled little corpse was seen among the wreckage, still wearing his paper crown.

The attempt on the Boy King's life was thwarted by the deft slingshot work of the royal guard.

The Boy King has ordered the remaining prisoners of the War of the Insects be taken to the spider biome and thrown into webs, "to see what happens."