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No one told me that the hardest part of making a Randomizer is to make it not actually Random.

No one actually wants real randomness, they want mostly consistent percentages. They want a 20% chance to happen one time in five, not three times in a row and then not for 20 rolls.

The only thing I know is that for sure they don't want the drops to be 80% of the time an armor piece, which happens because that's the bulk of the item table in the game lol.

Sounds like you need to set up sub-lists for that. Randomly select item type, then randomly select an item of that type.