Post

You'd think babies would grow out of a beta phase after this many generations. Fucking hell, at least already having the capability walk from fucking release, at least! THEY DON'T EVEN COME OUT WITH TEETH

fucken bart harley jarvis

They need to be updated for the current meta Maybe add flying or invulnerability

Look at that narrow fucking head

3?

Also I was extremely sleep deprived when I made this I think it really captures that

The ironny

Dammit! That was my line!

Uh... Weren't y'all supposed to post joke news? Because this one isn't exactly false...

look how shitty that baby is when i was a baby we had hats

Why does that baby look like an asshole? Is it the broccoli hair?

If you aren't using AI to build your baby, you are way behind the curve.

This is why the birth rate is so low.

It's true they get you all engaged with those big eyes and then they steal your identity and wham you're on the hook for an ivy league education.

I wonder if Cory Doctorow is getting sick of his creation.

Still waiting for a baby food that makes them poop pellets like a bunny.

Oh, just the boy babies, though. The girl babies have been optimized such that they don't shit at all now.

"This Generation of Children First Ever Observed to Disappoint Elders"

Babies that enshittify are also getting older.

ahh, another article on the minds of republicans

🤣😂🤣

They are sweaty and sticky and loud and they just cannot help but make awful smells. And they are just so expensive these days!

you mean how it sharted?

IHYFDBHJ

Screw you, Harley Jarvis!

A SATIRE

Bs he’s cry and then you like, feed them and change them and burp them and all the shit you’re supposed to do for a baby and then they cry again anyway! It’s like, jeez dude. Needy much? I dunno, babies are pretty fuckin’ mid. Ngl.

Child-rearing is a shiterative process

I blame Cocofelon.

The only physical newspaper my 5th grader has ever seen is The Onion. And I think that’s beautiful.

As someone who works with the public on the front line of a food retail business, this is factually correct. I just see the absolute WORST babies day in and out, and its not just the parents fault (though it is largely their fault), but the media they consume, stiffing it into their mouths.

@doctorow.pluralistic.net has written extensively about this specific problem with babies.

It's because they've gone woke

why would you give bart harley jarvis a cover story this is a disgrace

Definitely peaked around '88.

In fairness, babies are notorious for enshittification.

oh thank god its onion i saw that part last

Only works if the whole feature is just slagging on Cory Doctorow and the irony of “enshittification” being the parroting of the most mid of the oughties blogosphere commentariat.

In the immortal words of Dr. Engle - They’re not bad babies… they are babies doing bad things.

We peaked with Muppet Babies. It has all been downhill from there.

I was right too early on this one

Looks at the names that a lot of babies are given. Maverick, Rifle, Paisleigh, Tinsleigh... yeah, no wonder why babies are getting worse.

even the babies have broccoli hair now. smh

Fucken babies man

Tech companies have 'disrupted' this once great industry into the ground!

I don't see how NYT mag et al come back from this.

This baby filed a lawsuit because he got into Yale and Harvard Law Schools but got waitlisted at Stanford.

this one is real