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That’s the satire, books are much more dangerous than guns A mass shooting draws ‘thoughts and prayers’, but Stig of the Dump on library shelves- the full force of the state is brought to bear!

All Measels and no sexy times makes Texas a dull boy.

🌯🍆🥒🥕😉

Gov. Reynolds expressed support for the emergency bill: “I believe in commonsense values when educating Iowa’s children. It is apparent that calculators are the work of the devil and must be banned.”

Lol, feels like a prophecy

Dammit don't give them ideas!

ID: It's not just for preventing voting anymore. 👍

😆

😆

Give this one a few years

WTF

That last sentence was a kicker!

Zucchini sales charts now look like Teslurs

God damn, Onion. For a second there, I thought this was a real headline, and then I saw who posted it. Y'all really got to stop straying so close to reality.

OMG! Feels like it's going to be true soon.

Idaho will do it first. www.boisestatepublicradio.org/politics-gov...

Texan here. Thought this was absolutely real at first. 😳 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Plantains, although phallic, actually get you deported instead, regardless of ID.

I don't think he did, arrest him! now!

When you don't have a good instructions your life you keep your yees close to the reality.But god save America my lord

Too close to believable!

Jesus Christ I thought this was real for a whole minute.

That’s funny, laughing out loud.

You're just reporting news.

Get your filthy minds out of the gutter!

Is that a banana in your pocket?

I agree with the imaginary Texas law

👏👏👏👏

WTH?

A Texan goes to a store, buys a melon, isn't carded. Drops his pants yelling, "ah-ha, selling phallic foods without asking for ID? Police business!"

Jeeze?!?

This is one of the stranger posts I've fell for... sign of the times

You need an ID to buy a satisfyer IF YOU ARE A WOMAN in Amazon. If you are a man you don’t need it.

Eating a banana seductively, or otherwise, in public, gets you prison.

And then there are the requirements for fertilized eggs.

That’s quite beautiful. And circumcised!

Jeez…quite a handful too! 🤭

Giving bananas to children has Texas clutching their pearls! lol!

Something something I thought the Onion was satire something…

expret.org/2022/01/31/p...

They are actually banned in TX

Almost thought it was real, especially because the folks running Texas have anything like that living rent free in their heads.

🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

🥕🍆🍌🥒🌶️🍒🍑 🥰🧅😭

Does that apply to vintage plastic fruit from the 70s? For some reason my sister, (high school at the time) stole the banana from ours in the 70s and kept under her bed.

Crazy talk 😳

I took a scan around my kitchen before I realized it’s The Onion 😂😂😂

I would not put this past them tbh

For age or gender ID?

Don’t give them ideas.

I see recent events have allowed some of y'all access to the more Twisted parts of your imagination thank God I thought you were going to become irrelevant

To cut them up could be construed as an abortion.

Does it say more about me, or TX that my first thought was “not surprised. Of course TX would do this.” Then I thought “no, that’s crazy” before noticing this was an Onion post.

they can take this law and stick it where the sun don't shine

You know which food are shaped like dicks? The best ones!

😄😄

Sad thing is I can’t tell if this is satire or not. Ugh.

Texan, "I'm feeling fruity" Police, "put the banana down" The onion, "take that, bananas"

CAN'T THEY JUST OUTLAW THE PHALLIC FOODS?!?!?!1+1111+

I'll believe anything now. No matter how barking.

Anything can be a phallic food if you put your heart into it...

L M A O

So, minors can get into as many peaches as they want? 🍑😉

Pick a model

Ate the onion, which isn't that phallic unless you're more Freudian than average

Need to be a dickbag to run for elected office in Texas

The correct pronunciation of that state’s name is: tecks ass.

OMG! The Onion is back. 🤣🤣

I didn't see who posted this and thought it was real. And assumed the bill was filed by Briscoe Cain.

😆

Never know what they will do with the food? Luckily cucumbers don't need batteries.

@theonion.com What is harder: to create moments of lightheartedness in these heavy times or to come up with claims that outcrazy the real ones?

Sending in pictures of humorously shaped vegetables to the local newspaper will be banned next.

Cucumbers watch out!

It's hard to be shocked by anything they do. Considering they've been trying their damnedest to ban sex toys I'm wouldn't even be surprised if they started making us show ID to buy a zucchini 🙄

The RW has become so wacko these days, you don't know if something about them is satire or not anymore. I wouldn't have doubted at all that they would pass a law like that. After all, it's the same bunch that wants to check kid's genitals before they can play sports.

Thought this real at first glance. Oh the world we live in.

🤪😂 I’ll never see a sub sandwich the same way!

Don’t joke it’s probably their next move

Please don’t go giving Abbott and Texas any ideas!

Will they be banning the Beach Boys next.....🤣🤣🤣

You know some Republican yahoo is gonna see this and think “GREAT IDEA” 🤦🏻‍♀️

We just drove across Texas. 137 miles non stop. Filled up in New Mexico, stayed overnight in Oklahoma. I went the other way filled up in OK stayed in Albuquerque. I will never spend another dime in Texas. Didn’t even stop to pee.

🍆🍌🥒🌽🥕🫛🍗🥖🌭 & 🍍

As someone who used to live in TX, this wouldn't actually be out of the realm of possibility...

I assume mushrooms and things that look like Alf’s nose are no exception.

Well that is a whole ew level of ridiculousness

Buy a banana, get deported. Sounds like the U.S.

viewing Sir Mix-A-Lot video now a felony

Oh gourd!

😂🤣😂 Omg, it's cum to this!

So many options, that’s gonna make grocery shopping so difficult in the “great”🤣 state of Texas……. To quote Benjamin Franklin “anything can be a dildo if you’re brave enough“👍💙😂

Single women can only buy sliced cucumbers.

Makes sense

😆

Two apples and a banana qualifies

Things are so bizarre right now, I thought this was true.😆

Surprisingly, unrelated to this:

I know I’m always suspicious when my daughter asks me to buy cucumbers, for water she claims. 🤔😳🫣 So I buy the teenie tiny ones. 🤣

This is probably already on the Florida State Legislative agenda.

It's getting harder and harder to tell if The Onion is reporting real news

Dial 1-800-BENT CARROT for information on Xiaflex.

What! But I love cucumbers and eggplant.

😂😂😂

😉

Predicted next step for TX after Cruz argued Americans have no right to masturbate

Me too. The onion, being the onion saved me from a conspiracy theory 🤣

You know what sad is I actually thought this was true.

Is it bad that it took me a second to realize this was satire?