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I hope this includes tide pods because i am tired of being tempted by their siren scent

First thing I see upon opening Bluesky. Thank you, Onion 😂

Sometimes, I have to verify multiple times that this is a post from The Onion.

I can see him starting an entire campaign against LUSH

Speaking of gross things to eat, you guys buy Infowars yet? Can’t wait.

Big news. Will bring down my cost of healthcare.

Okay but I agree with this. Those should be illegal

Well wash my mouth out with soap…

Projection. Hes mad that someone caught him chewing on a bar of dove.

Stop predicting shit.

😂

Can't blame him. Brain Worms need a little Sustinence, as a treat.

Can we ban career politicians... they seem to cannibalize the population in more ways than one...? Patty "Cannibal" Murray as an example and Amy Klobuchar... cannibal sandwitches... medium.com/@tonygoldenp...

We should definitely keep the soaps because most of us won't be able to pay for food.

John Oliver would be disappointed

Can he just go away for good.

What?!

Orwellian Madness, let me eat my soap in peace!

But... but it's shaped like a Hershey 🥺

Wait, wernt soaps a healthy part of breakfast and part of the food pyramid. Man, next thing they are going to take Twinkies out of the meats section! --quick thought. How do they get Twinkies bones so soft that it's almost marrow soft in the middle. Fascinating stuff!

He makes whale blubber soap.

It's my right as an American to have a tasty little soap snack as a treat. It cleanses my humors and the little bubbles sing songs in my mouth.

Finally, the kind of sensible policy we can all agree on

There are many types of soap you can buy

I think we can all visiualize RFK Jr sucking on soap at B&BW

Yeah he said in an interview that on the plane the two safest choices are KFC and McDonald’s. He said that the rest was garbage. lol. I dunno. If that was my choices I’d wait until we landed (plus I’m a vegetarian).

Welcome to earth 🤗 every politicians are hypocrites. Its just a matter of whose hypocrisy serves your good the most.

Who would have guessed the onion were the globalists all along

This made me laugh. 😆

Irish Spring tastes like chicken

So he saw Space Madness

WTF is wrong with this dude?

Finally

Make polio and measles great again oh and obesity too!

Bad news for Gwyneth Paltrow and Goop... 🙈

So much for promoting clean eating 😤

Come Onion, that sounds exactly like something he would say. Ya gotta get weird and post a headline like, "RFK jr recommends eating in moderation and getting all your vaccines"

FDA under RFK Jr. plans to shake up Operating Room cleanliness practices, to mandate surgeons sneeze in open chest cavities.

Patchouli is still safe, thank god!

If it wasn’t for the onion logo, I would’ve believed this to be true.

Finally

Your humor sustains me!

I used to collect scented pencil erasers whilst at school in the 80's. Same principle applies....

this makes more sense that the stuff he has said.

Let‘s use Ricotta instead.

Hoggle Jr

And probably wants to ban the ice cream playdo sets and sue for false advertisement!

So true…and very frightening

Coming from a frumpher who farts in the tub and bites at the bubbles.q

Remember when the onion was satire....

A government so small it could drown in a bathtub? Yes. A bathtub with bespoke soaps? No.

What else can we wash our mouth out with?

Is this fake news? Holy shit this stuff you can’t make up, but it really looks like the onion just made this up.

While Pete Hegseth Vows To Ban Soaps PERIOD

Too real, Onion!

I thought that little note "For external use only" was meant to prevent that.

Just don’t take my spicy cheez-its and Taki’s away!!

Is RFK Jr. going to ban tobacco? You know, the thing that is actually bad for you?

Well, if he can use his disminished brain on stuff like that in the next 4 yrs, maybe he'll leave alone the things that could really hurt humanity's health.

So that's why the MAGA crowd's been frothing at the mouth for years..

Had to work hard for that satire…

It's about time somebody does something about this! #DownWithBigSoap

Typical RFK Jr concern....

Don’t give him any ideas. lol

But have you smelled those fruit ones they look just like jelly

Preposterous! I feel very attacked by this news

🎶 Soap, soap, soap, soap, soap, soap, soap, soap🎶 If you know what this is, you win a follow!

It’s Solient Green!

Not surprised he’s been eating it

I'm pretty sure he eats lots of soap.

RFK Jr. doesn't know the difference between a bar of Dove and a Dove Bar.

Well, there goes Irish Spring

Yeah, but nothing about those candles? BIG CANDLE HAS HIM BOUGHT!

bsky.app/profile/keit...

Guys it’s ok we get to keep the lotion

@drsquatchsoapco.bsky.social look out they’re coming for you!!!

I’ve never wanted to eat soap!! Never!!

That's more sensible than anything he's said recently

He finally has a good idea

Who eats soap??!?????

Wouldn't it help against covid?

Remember when you used to see a headline from the Onion and think "that's far fetched"

And add a recommended daily requirement of roadkill to the American diet.

In future news

Who the tastes their soap? Other than someone with a brain worm.

😹😹😹😹💜✌️

Leon is about to jump the shark. 🦈

I’m not sure if RFK make The Onion’s job easier or harder. 🤣