Wayne Hepner

#My2026Motto Thanks, Juvenal. Thanks first issue of MAD to have one. Couldn't have put it better myself.

Clown with machine guns #WouldBeTheWorstSurprise

Getting shot by your own dog #WouldBeTheWorstSurprise

#MySummerAtCampCrystalLake has been quiet, it's closed. I just have to chill out for a couple years and wait for them to forget.

#IncludeBargainCrimeConfident It wasn't even a crime, exactly, officer. I'm confident we can make some kind of bargain. Jeez, I can't believe you even found her.

#IncludeBargainCrimeConfident confident he was ready for a life of crime, the youthful malefactor did not bargain on one simple error making him the laughingstock of the criminal kingdom.

#IncludeBargainCrimeConfident What's the matter? I'm certain you remember our little bargain, and even if you don't, you've committed a lot of crimes since then.

#BadTitlesForAKidsBook Harpo's Horrible Secret #noeffort

#BadTitlesForAKidsBook The Old Woman Who Swallowed a Load

I supplied the snacks #AtTheHalloweenBash

You can't leave yet, we're expecting some very special guests #AtTheHalloweenBash

The Weasels were in fine form #AtTheHalloweenBash

#AtTheHalloweenBash I shall be dressed as Fury.

#WhenYoureOverloadedWith woe, visit the Temple of Mirth.

Even #WhenYoureOverloadedWith the burdens of childcare, please don't.

#WhenYoureOverloadedWith Cresoxipropanédiol en capsule

#ImNotAChefButICan insult and abuse the incompetent.

#ImNotAChefButICan take beautiful professional-quality photos of the food I do cook.

#ImNotAChefButICan appreciate the subtleties of haute cuisine.

#ImNotAChefButICan create culinary art of a kind

#MyTarotCardsRevealed Batman

Some #GinAndTonicLoversAreGoodAt looking good doing it and making you want to try it. Some aren't.

#GinAndTonicLoversAreGoodAt kicking back and relaxing

#GinAndTonicLoversAreGoodAt gardening between drinks

#WhatItTakesToBeNice a pleasant demeanor.

#WhatItTakesToBeNice tact.

#WhatItTakesToBeNice patience.

I don't really believe in that stuff, but I must admit, there are signs it may all #SoonBeOver

I'm going to the Buffet every night because I heard the pneumonic plague may #SoonBeOver here.

WARNING: Remain indoors. The Eye will #SoonBeOver the city.

#SpacedOutHalloweenCandy Rockets

#SpacedOutHalloweenCandy Planet Pops

#SpacedOutHalloweenCandy Sour Martian Munchies

#SpacedOutHalloweenCandy Gummy Men

#PotatoLoversAreGoodAt listening.

#ImGettingTooOldFor Exercise

#ItsNotTheClothesYouWearBut where you wear them

#ItsNotTheClothesYouWearBut the label, silly

#ItsNotTheClothesYouWearBut the ones you forget to wear.

#ItsNotTheClothesYouWearBut how you look without them.

#ItsNotTheClothesYouWearBut how you accessorize.

#ItsNotTheClothesYouWearBut how you wear them.

#ItsNotTheClothesYouWearBut the reliability of your hypnotic screen.

#ISawALakeMonsterAnd your mother, and they were on the drug train.

In Peru #ISawALakeMonsterAnd shipped it back to Spain for the King.

#ISawALakeMonsterAnd various lesser beasts.

#ISawALakeMonsterAnd I'm afraid it might have seen us.

#ImGettingTooOldFor LSD

#ImGettingTooOldFor pants.

#ImGettingTooOldFor your mama.

#PastaLoversAreGoodAt pacing themselves.