𝙫𝙧𝙞𝙡𝙡

ive had next to no physical intimacy in my life. last i had was a decade ago. even so much as a fist bump or high five makes me uncomfortable. when people are happy to see me and nice to me i feel weird. i have no family. all of my friends are some variance of long distance.

i used to have gangstalking delusions about even my closest friends. i oscillate between being a gullible, optimistic child and a deeply paranoid misanthrope. i give the impression of an elitist. my empathy alternates between 100 and 0 seemingly at random.

ive had next to no physical intimacy in my life. last i had was a decade ago. even so much as a fist bump or high five makes me uncomfortable. when people are happy to see me and nice to me i feel weird. i have no family. all of my friends are some variance of long distance.

on a quest to have deep self awareness of all my antisocial quirks and one that i always fall short of being able to describe adequetly is my fairly consistent repulsion of comedy media and an obsessive preference for incidental comedy thru social interaction or lived experience

this is all without going on my old pretentious spiel about comedys role in capitalism being primarily that of a thought terminating coping mechanism en masse for our complicitness with a deeply cruel and vapid world, but thats besides the point....

on a quest to have deep self awareness of all my antisocial quirks and one that i always fall short of being able to describe adequetly is my fairly consistent repulsion of comedy media and an obsessive preference for incidental comedy thru social interaction or lived experience

like i identify with that description but its not fully consistant. sometimes i can enjoy comedy media but its often either dark or deliberatly irony poisoned in a way that alienates me from most people. internet memes are often involuntarily repulsive to me in a way that is difficult to describe.