Matt F✈️🌈🇫🇷

I was just telling my kids: “you remember reading the ‘I Survived the Great Depression’ book at school? Yeah… we’re probably going to live through something like that.”

Gay boys can change their oil too.

So icky.

My work VPN is called Twingate and every time I see it my brain adds the letter “k” 🤔

I do enjoy making Bank of America ATMs work with me en bon français.

THEN: Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall! NOW: Mayor Mamdani, make them stop copying meEeEeEeE!

Jigglypuff’s sharpie knows the truth.

hi bluesky.

It’s not every day I get to show off my work. But I did do a thing at work. 🤣

Pretty view waking up this morning. 🛖

DJUNGELCUDDLES

It feels awful getting “awww look how cute those boys are! they’re living their happily ever after!” stares from all of the straights at the bar when I hold my man and kiss him on the forehead. I am not here to entertain you.

three songs for the weekend.

Corporations aren’t people. They don’t feel a damn thing.

This is weird and wrong. Fuck the Kroger Co.

then: if I burn an extra stick tonight will I survive winter? now: if I use my heater tonight will I survive winter?

I lasted 48 hours until I signed back up for Apple Music. 🫣 We tried. It doesn’t have the music the kids use for their bedtime routines.

“You’re listening to MHz 121.5… …smooth jazz for cool cats. 🎶 🐈‍⬛” “GUARDDDDDD!!!!!!🚨” ✈️

I love @nickforbrains.bsky.social. One day I’ll get to marry him. Un achèvement plus qu’un début.

Yup. Software is controllable. OpenAI and Anthropic setting their bots out to attack are criming.

I love it when the mountain is out.

oh cool, another price hike. 🤡

I have a thing for ground fault protection and not running 100-ft extension cords.⚡️ One step closer to keeping our pipes from freezing. And the sexy forest sauna and spa. 🧖‍♂️🌲

The Kroger Co. preys on America: packages of ground beef are now 1.9 pounds instead of 2 pounds.

Heating oil prices in the United States were $2/gallon. Now they're $5/gallon. Just in time for an El Niño winter. 🥶 www.marketwatch.com/investing/fu...

As I have fucked you, Fuck one another. This new commandment: Fuck one another. By this shall men know, Ye are my disciples, If ye have fucked, One to another. 🎶

I tell Chrome “no” and it asks me again if it can be my default browser. There’s a way to stop it. Enterprise policies. typevolant.com/blog/no-mean...

Birds of a feather.

Make the people who send you feedback surveys apoplectic. Say 7️⃣ or 8️⃣.

them: how old are your kids? me: between the ages of “go wipe your jizz off the wall” and “go wipe your boogers off the wall”

« Il a manqué une belle occasion de se taire. » French wisdom.

Spotted in Bountiful, Utah next to Costco and Deseret Book. 👀

Mexico or any other state who had a citizen detained at Alligator Alcatraz should use this as evidence for an international warrant for anyone who worked there. Nobody was compelled or ordered to do that job. They chose it.

Shocker. People don’t want to pay anywhere close what AI actually costs to operate, especially when its output is thoroughly mediocre. Maybe big tech should try to stop making fetch happen.

Good god these thugs need to be stopped.

The kids and I built a workbench today. 30% of the wood is reclaimed from waste piles. The paint came from an old dusty can sitting in a neighbor’s garage.