The Nutmeg News

The Nutmeg News

@thenutmegnews.com

Satire, Humor, Commentary - Not Real News, Really

2.6K followers0 following356 posts

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The Nutmeg News
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Supporters State That It Is Far Too Late To Ask "Bald Guy With Glasses" What Actual Name Is After Standing Near Each Other For 10 Years www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comSupporters State That It Is Far Too Late To Ask "Bald Guy With Glasses" What Actual Name Is After Standing Near Each Other For 10 Years — The Nutmeg NewsPortland, OR - Timbers fan Ryan Anderssen stated that it is, “far too late,” to ask Bald Guy With Glasses (BGWG) what his actual name is after standing near to him for the last 10 years.

The Nutmeg News reposted

Hans Shenk
@juanersatzman.bsky.social

Hans. But “Juan” works, too.

The Nutmeg News@thenutmegnews.com

Supporters State That It Is Far Too Late To Ask "Bald Guy With Glasses" What Actual Name Is After Standing Near Each Other For 10 Years www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comSupporters State That It Is Far Too Late To Ask "Bald Guy With Glasses" What Actual Name Is After Standing Near Each Other For 10 Years — The Nutmeg NewsPortland, OR - Timbers fan Ryan Anderssen stated that it is, “far too late,” to ask Bald Guy With Glasses (BGWG) what his actual name is after standing near to him for the last 10 years.
The Nutmeg News
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Supporters State That It Is Far Too Late To Ask "Bald Guy With Glasses" What Actual Name Is After Standing Near Each Other For 10 Years www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comSupporters State That It Is Far Too Late To Ask "Bald Guy With Glasses" What Actual Name Is After Standing Near Each Other For 10 Years — The Nutmeg NewsPortland, OR - Timbers fan Ryan Anderssen stated that it is, “far too late,” to ask Bald Guy With Glasses (BGWG) what his actual name is after standing near to him for the last 10 years.

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The Nutmeg News
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Bruce Arena Announces New Book Titled "If I Did It" That Doesn't Really Define What The IT In The Title Actually Is www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2024...

thenutmegnews.comBruce Arena Announces New Book Titled "If I Did It" That Doesn't Really Define What The IT In The Title Actually Is — The Nutmeg NewsSan Jose, CA - New Earthquakes head coach Bruce Arena announced the release of a new book that he wrote during his VOLUNTARY sabbatical from coaching titled, “If I Did It,” that doesn’t really de...
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Bruce Arena Announces New Book Titled "If I Did It" That Doesn't Really Define What The IT In The Title Actually Is www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2024...

thenutmegnews.comBruce Arena Announces New Book Titled "If I Did It" That Doesn't Really Define What The IT In The Title Actually Is — The Nutmeg NewsSan Jose, CA - New Earthquakes head coach Bruce Arena announced the release of a new book that he wrote during his VOLUNTARY sabbatical from coaching titled, “If I Did It,” that doesn’t really de...

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The Nutmeg News
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Gavin Wilkinson Promises To Bring Major League Abuse Culture To San Jose Earthquakes www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comGavin Wilkinson Promises To Bring Major League Abuse Culture To San Jose Earthquakes — The Nutmeg NewsSan Jose, CA - Disgraced former General Manager Gavin Wilkinson promised, during his introduction to the hand picked MLS media, to bring Major League abuse culture to the San Jose Earthquakes.

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New MLS Commissioner Announces Plan To Implement Hydration Breaks With Commercials That Last 90 Minutes www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comNew MLS Commissioner Announces Plan To Implement Hydration Breaks With Commercials That Last 90 Minutes — The Nutmeg NewsLOS ANGELES - New Major League Soccer (MLS) and current Los Angeles Football Club (LAFC) executive Larry Berg announced his plan to implement hydration breaks with commercials that last for 90 minutes...
The Nutmeg News
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New MLS Commissioner Announces Plan To Implement Hydration Breaks With Commercials That Last 90 Minutes www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comNew MLS Commissioner Announces Plan To Implement Hydration Breaks With Commercials That Last 90 Minutes — The Nutmeg NewsLOS ANGELES - New Major League Soccer (MLS) and current Los Angeles Football Club (LAFC) executive Larry Berg announced his plan to implement hydration breaks with commercials that last for 90 minutes...

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The Nutmeg News
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Alexi Lalas Heads Back To The Internet In Order To Keep Ruining The Day Of People Who Miss The World Cup www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comAlexi Lalas Heads Back To The Internet In Order To Keep Ruining The Day Of People Who Miss The World Cup — The Nutmeg NewsINTERNET - With the 2026 Men’s World Cup over, all around dumbass Alexi Lalas headed back to the Internet in order to keep ruining the day of people who missed the world cup.
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Alexi Lalas Heads Back To The Internet In Order To Keep Ruining The Day Of People Who Miss The World Cup www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comAlexi Lalas Heads Back To The Internet In Order To Keep Ruining The Day Of People Who Miss The World Cup — The Nutmeg NewsINTERNET - With the 2026 Men’s World Cup over, all around dumbass Alexi Lalas headed back to the Internet in order to keep ruining the day of people who missed the world cup.
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"No New Players Until You Figure Out How To Play Better," Rants Irate Joey Saputo To Montreal Staff www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.com"No New Players Until You Figure Out How To Play Better," Rants Irate Joey Saputo To Montreal Staff — The Nutmeg NewsBologna, IT - An irate Joey Saputo reportedly ranted, “No new players until you figure out how to play better,” to the Montreal Impact staff as he struck back at the, “loafing freeloaders who are not ...

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FIFA Prepares Fallout Foursome Funpack Ticket Offer For The Low Price of $15,000 (Without Parking) www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comFIFA Prepares Fallout Foursome Funpack Ticket Offer For The Low Price of $15,000 (Without Parking) — The Nutmeg NewsINTERNET - FIFA (the international money laundering syndicate) is reportedly preparing a Fallout Foursome Funpack ticket offer for the low price of $15,000 (without parking) for one 2026 World Cup gam...

The Nutmeg News reposted

Jason Davis
@davisjason.bsky.social

Excited to see which former US international-turned-pundit is hawking this incredible deal!

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FIFA Prepares Fallout Foursome Funpack Ticket Offer For The Low Price of $15,000 (Without Parking) www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comFIFA Prepares Fallout Foursome Funpack Ticket Offer For The Low Price of $15,000 (Without Parking) — The Nutmeg NewsINTERNET - FIFA (the international money laundering syndicate) is reportedly preparing a Fallout Foursome Funpack ticket offer for the low price of $15,000 (without parking) for one 2026 World Cup gam...
The Nutmeg News
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FIFA Prepares Fallout Foursome Funpack Ticket Offer For The Low Price of $15,000 (Without Parking) www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comFIFA Prepares Fallout Foursome Funpack Ticket Offer For The Low Price of $15,000 (Without Parking) — The Nutmeg NewsINTERNET - FIFA (the international money laundering syndicate) is reportedly preparing a Fallout Foursome Funpack ticket offer for the low price of $15,000 (without parking) for one 2026 World Cup gam...

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"At Least I Wouldn't Have To Watch The Rest Of The Season," States Philadelphia Union Fan Finding The Bright Side Of Possible Nuclear Armageddon www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.com"At Least I Wouldn't Have To Watch The Rest Of The Season," States Philadelphia Union Fan Finding The Bright Side Of Possible Nuclear Armageddon — The Nutmeg NewsPHILADELPHIA - Union fan Ray Hewitt stated, “At least I wouldn’t have to watch the rest of the season,” as he tried to find the bright side of possible nuclear Armageddon this Tuesday.

The Nutmeg News reposted

John Parker
@johnkickback.bsky.social

I’m seen

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"At Least I Wouldn't Have To Watch The Rest Of The Season," States Philadelphia Union Fan Finding The Bright Side Of Possible Nuclear Armageddon www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.com"At Least I Wouldn't Have To Watch The Rest Of The Season," States Philadelphia Union Fan Finding The Bright Side Of Possible Nuclear Armageddon — The Nutmeg NewsPHILADELPHIA - Union fan Ray Hewitt stated, “At least I wouldn’t have to watch the rest of the season,” as he tried to find the bright side of possible nuclear Armageddon this Tuesday.
The Nutmeg News
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"At Least I Wouldn't Have To Watch The Rest Of The Season," States Philadelphia Union Fan Finding The Bright Side Of Possible Nuclear Armageddon www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.com"At Least I Wouldn't Have To Watch The Rest Of The Season," States Philadelphia Union Fan Finding The Bright Side Of Possible Nuclear Armageddon — The Nutmeg NewsPHILADELPHIA - Union fan Ray Hewitt stated, “At least I wouldn’t have to watch the rest of the season,” as he tried to find the bright side of possible nuclear Armageddon this Tuesday.

The Nutmeg News reposted

Braedon
@braejohn30.bsky.social

I'm a zoomer, and I got this reference.

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Elder NWSL Fan Drunkenly Relates The Story Of MagicJack To Spellbound Audience Of Zoomer Soccer Fans www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comElder NWSL Fan Drunkenly Relates The Story Of MagicJack To Spellbound Audience Of Zoomer Soccer Fans — The Nutmeg NewsWASHINGTON - An Elder NWSL fan was found drunkenly relating the story Of MagicJack to a spellbound audience of zoomer soccer fans as the story of Dan Borislow’s hubris began to take shape.

The Nutmeg News reposted

Danielle, the Teal Joker ︽✵︽
@likethe309.bsky.social

It's me, the elder fan

The Nutmeg News@thenutmegnews.com

Elder NWSL Fan Drunkenly Relates The Story Of MagicJack To Spellbound Audience Of Zoomer Soccer Fans www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comElder NWSL Fan Drunkenly Relates The Story Of MagicJack To Spellbound Audience Of Zoomer Soccer Fans — The Nutmeg NewsWASHINGTON - An Elder NWSL fan was found drunkenly relating the story Of MagicJack to a spellbound audience of zoomer soccer fans as the story of Dan Borislow’s hubris began to take shape.

The Nutmeg News reposted

Ryan Rosenblatt
@ryanrosenblatt.bsky.social

I regret to confirm that I did this two weeks ago

The Nutmeg News@thenutmegnews.com

Elder NWSL Fan Drunkenly Relates The Story Of MagicJack To Spellbound Audience Of Zoomer Soccer Fans www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comElder NWSL Fan Drunkenly Relates The Story Of MagicJack To Spellbound Audience Of Zoomer Soccer Fans — The Nutmeg NewsWASHINGTON - An Elder NWSL fan was found drunkenly relating the story Of MagicJack to a spellbound audience of zoomer soccer fans as the story of Dan Borislow’s hubris began to take shape.

The Nutmeg News reposted

Regs Benedict
@regarama.bsky.social

I'm in this picture and I don't like it 🫣

The Nutmeg News@thenutmegnews.com

Elder NWSL Fan Drunkenly Relates The Story Of MagicJack To Spellbound Audience Of Zoomer Soccer Fans www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comElder NWSL Fan Drunkenly Relates The Story Of MagicJack To Spellbound Audience Of Zoomer Soccer Fans — The Nutmeg NewsWASHINGTON - An Elder NWSL fan was found drunkenly relating the story Of MagicJack to a spellbound audience of zoomer soccer fans as the story of Dan Borislow’s hubris began to take shape.
The Nutmeg News
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Elder NWSL Fan Drunkenly Relates The Story Of MagicJack To Spellbound Audience Of Zoomer Soccer Fans www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comElder NWSL Fan Drunkenly Relates The Story Of MagicJack To Spellbound Audience Of Zoomer Soccer Fans — The Nutmeg NewsWASHINGTON - An Elder NWSL fan was found drunkenly relating the story Of MagicJack to a spellbound audience of zoomer soccer fans as the story of Dan Borislow’s hubris began to take shape.
The Nutmeg News
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DC Soccer Fan UnCertain If $139 CryptoCash Unobstructed View Upgrade Will Clash With $179 Coca-Cola 4D Experience Brought To You By Hyundai At $89 A Ticket World Cup Party Brought To You By Raytheon www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comDC Soccer Fan UnCertain If $139 CryptoCash Unobstructed View Upgrade Will Clash With $179 Coca-Cola 4D Experience Brought To You By Hyundai At $89 A Ticket World Cup Party Brought To You By Raytheon —...WASHINGTON - DC Soccer Fan Steve Williams stated that he wasn’t certain if the $139 CryptoBananas Unobstructed View upgrade available to purchase would clash with his $179 Coca-Cola 4D World Cup Exper...

The Nutmeg News reposted

MoreartbyBrentAMoore
@brentamoore.bsky.social

"To and from the experience” Synopsis of now till July 19.

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DC Soccer Fan UnCertain If $139 CryptoCash Unobstructed View Upgrade Will Clash With $179 Coca-Cola 4D Experience Brought To You By Hyundai At $89 A Ticket World Cup Party Brought To You By Raytheon www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comDC Soccer Fan UnCertain If $139 CryptoCash Unobstructed View Upgrade Will Clash With $179 Coca-Cola 4D Experience Brought To You By Hyundai At $89 A Ticket World Cup Party Brought To You By Raytheon —...WASHINGTON - DC Soccer Fan Steve Williams stated that he wasn’t certain if the $139 CryptoBananas Unobstructed View upgrade available to purchase would clash with his $179 Coca-Cola 4D World Cup Exper...

The Nutmeg News reposted

The Nutmeg News
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DC Soccer Fan UnCertain If $139 CryptoCash Unobstructed View Upgrade Will Clash With $179 Coca-Cola 4D Experience Brought To You By Hyundai At $89 A Ticket World Cup Party Brought To You By Raytheon www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comDC Soccer Fan UnCertain If $139 CryptoCash Unobstructed View Upgrade Will Clash With $179 Coca-Cola 4D Experience Brought To You By Hyundai At $89 A Ticket World Cup Party Brought To You By Raytheon —...WASHINGTON - DC Soccer Fan Steve Williams stated that he wasn’t certain if the $139 CryptoBananas Unobstructed View upgrade available to purchase would clash with his $179 Coca-Cola 4D World Cup Exper...

The Nutmeg News reposted

David Beffert
@dbeffert.bsky.social

I appreciate Nutmeg News waiting until April 2 to publish so that this story gets the consideration it deserves.

The Nutmeg News@thenutmegnews.com

DC Soccer Fan UnCertain If $139 CryptoCash Unobstructed View Upgrade Will Clash With $179 Coca-Cola 4D Experience Brought To You By Hyundai At $89 A Ticket World Cup Party Brought To You By Raytheon www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comDC Soccer Fan UnCertain If $139 CryptoCash Unobstructed View Upgrade Will Clash With $179 Coca-Cola 4D Experience Brought To You By Hyundai At $89 A Ticket World Cup Party Brought To You By Raytheon —...WASHINGTON - DC Soccer Fan Steve Williams stated that he wasn’t certain if the $139 CryptoBananas Unobstructed View upgrade available to purchase would clash with his $179 Coca-Cola 4D World Cup Exper...
The Nutmeg News
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DC Soccer Fan UnCertain If $139 CryptoCash Unobstructed View Upgrade Will Clash With $179 Coca-Cola 4D Experience Brought To You By Hyundai At $89 A Ticket World Cup Party Brought To You By Raytheon www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comDC Soccer Fan UnCertain If $139 CryptoCash Unobstructed View Upgrade Will Clash With $179 Coca-Cola 4D Experience Brought To You By Hyundai At $89 A Ticket World Cup Party Brought To You By Raytheon —...WASHINGTON - DC Soccer Fan Steve Williams stated that he wasn’t certain if the $139 CryptoBananas Unobstructed View upgrade available to purchase would clash with his $179 Coca-Cola 4D World Cup Exper...

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United States Men's National Team Announce They Will End Portugal Game After 0-2 Victory www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comUnited States Men's National Team Announce They Will End Portugal Game After 0-2 Victory — The Nutmeg NewsAtlanta, GA - The United States Men’s National Team (USMT) announced today that they will end the Portugal game that was started on the 31st of March 2026 with a 0-2 Victory as they stated, “we’ve got...
The Nutmeg News
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United States Men's National Team Announce They Will End Portugal Game After 0-2 Victory www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...

thenutmegnews.comUnited States Men's National Team Announce They Will End Portugal Game After 0-2 Victory — The Nutmeg NewsAtlanta, GA - The United States Men’s National Team (USMT) announced today that they will end the Portugal game that was started on the 31st of March 2026 with a 0-2 Victory as they stated, “we’ve got...
The Nutmeg News
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God Admits He Can't Focus On Helping Poor, Destitute, And Immigrant Communities Until He Finishes Coordinating 2026 World Cup Prayers By USMNT Fans www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2025...

thenutmegnews.comGod Admits He Can't Focus On Helping Poor, Destitute, And Immigrant Communities Until He Finishes Coordinating 2026 World Cup Prayers By USMNT Fans — The Nutmeg NewsLOS ANGELES - God, the almighty American business god, admitted that he can’t focus on helping the poor, destitute and immigrant communities in the world until he finishes coordinating his response to...