swearclock ⌚︎

Jesus, I've Drunk Too Much Wine And I'm Wankered. It's 2:00PM

Finger Your Aide Like Matt Hancock It's 1:00PM

Windmill Your Pork Sword At A Coach Full Of Senior Citizens It's 12:00PM

Silly Old Cunt It's 11:00AM

Die Hard Is A Pancake Day Movie It's 10:00AM

Postman Plop It's 9:00AM

Tina Turner's Tits It's 8:00AM

Lick My Shitter Like An Apple Fritter It's 7:00AM

Pummel My Chimney It's 6:00AM

Shit On A Vicar's Head And Refuse To Apologise It's 5:00AM

Cheesy Dicks It's 4:00AM

I Really Really Really Wanna Jizz-A-Jizz Ahhhhh! It's 3:00AM

Fuck My Old Boots It's 2:00AM

Wipe Your Knob On The Curtins It's 1:00AM

Raise A Secret Attic Family Who Are Half You And Half Your Pet Labrador It's 12:00AM

Let's Watch Eastenders And Do Doggy It's 11:00PM

Fondle Your Testicles In Ultra High Definition It's 10:00PM

Let's Talk About Spunk, Baby It's 9:00PM

Drink A Pint Of Richard Madeleys Man Juice It's 8:00PM

Mixing Your Own Shit On Your Breakfast Cereal And Naming It 'Weetashitx' To Try And Sound Witty! It's 7:00PM

Use My Watery Spunk To Cook Your Pasta It's 6:00PM

Fuck The Pain Away By Peaches It's 5:00PM

Look At Your Own Clock You Cunt It's 4:00PM

Fellate My Teddy Bear It's 3:00PM

Wheel Of Knob Cheese It's 2:00PM

Jerking Off To Your Rancid Talons On Wikifeet Again It's 1:00PM

Dream Tonight Of Timmy Mallett Smashing Your Cock Slowly But Surely To Smithereens With His Huge Foam Tool, It's 12:00PM

There's No One Quite Like Gonorrhoea It's 11:00AM

This Is A Piccadilly Line Service To Cocksuckers It's 10:00AM

Peg Me, Oh-Ho-Ho Peg Me, Peg Me If You Think That My Arse Can Take One More. It's 9:00AM

Wank Your Willy Into Oblivion Over Rollercoaster Tycoon Streams On Twitch It's 8:00AM

Piss Out My Arse It's 7:00AM

I'm Licking Out A Box, I'm Licking Out A Hairy Box It's 6:00AM

Trebor Mints / Are A Minty Bit Stronger / Stick 'em Up Your Arse / And They Last A Bit Longer / It's 5:00AM

Write A Post About Why You Don't See White Dog Shits Anymore In A Facebook Group With A Union Jack In Its Cover Photo It's 4:00AM

Aquaman's Wet Willy It's 3:00AM

Matthew Corbett Fisting Sooty At Butlins It's 2:00AM

Put Seed On Your Cock And Let A Hen Peck It Clean It's 1:00AM

Wank Me Off Like A Donkey And Call Me Eeyore It's 12:00AM

Your Dog Suck Dicks For Dentastix, It's 11:00PM

Today, Class, Put Your Fucking Textbooks Aside, Because We're Going To Do Swearwords. Let's Start With Shit! German: Scheiße. French: Merde. Spanish: Mierda. Esperanto: Fek. Japanese: Kuso. It's 10:00PM

Start An Onlyfans Account That's Just Photos Of Jizz And Shit Because Some Nasty Freak Will Pay For It. It's 9:00PM

Lucifers Labia! It's 8:00PM

Johnny Lydon Living In Trump's Brain Having A Big Wet Fart Again It's 7:00PM

Shag A Pile Of Leaves In A Premier Inn Car Park In Stockport It's 6:00PM

Cancel Your Mum Because She Still Calls You Her Baby And You're Now 22 And Not A Baby Anymore. Record Her Calling You Her Child Then Post It To A Nonce Catcher Group It's 5:00PM

Japanese Girls Beating Michael Gove's Doppelgänger With Electric Eels Down His Pants, Fuck I Bet That Hurts It's 4:00PM

Lick The Filling Out Of A Creme Egg And Wear It On Your Cock Like A Helmet, It's 3:00PM

Nigel, You Shouldn't Do That With A Lava-Lamp It's 2:00PM

Your Da's Mates Call Him Scatman John Behind His Back. It's 1:00PM