𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕖 𝔾𝕦𝕣𝕝

The Trump Presidential Library will have an entire wing devoted to Trump’s sworn denials.

God created the entire universe but still has to use the bathroom Republicans assigned Him.

The Cheesecake Factory is a sociology experiment with unlimited bread.

The Cheesecake Factory is proof that Americans will tolerate almost any level of economic inequality as long as the portions are enormous.

The Cheesecake Factory is the only place where a family in sweatpants can dine beneath a ceiling inspired by Versailles.

I hope someone at GOP headquarters is checking the CAPS LOCK inventory ahead of the elections ‘cause this’ll be a barn burner.

Trump has gone from “Only I can fix it” to “Who the hell broke it?”

“It’s going to be 56-44 in the Senate.”

Bolsonaro just learned the hard way that Trump's loyalty has the shelf life of warm shrimp.

Abdul El-Sayed is a Rhodes Scholar, with degrees from the University of Michigan, Oxford, and Columbia. 84% of Rhodes Scholars are Democrats or Independents, compared with just 14% Republicans. It’ll be great having Abdul in the Senate.

JD is one sentence away from accidentally understanding the problem.

Her opposition research is apparently an autobiography.

“The Navy lost three ships looking for us - ActBlue found us in six minutes.”

“We asked for Barack, not bizarre.”

Republicans couldn't define communism with unlimited lifelines.

Remember the Catholic archbishops praying over Trump? The White House duped them into posing then sent out the video they didn’t know was being recorded without their knowledge. apnews.com/article/dona...

The lawsuit's central question: What happens when voters insist on choosing the winner themselves?

Lula wins another term. The International Association of Sore Losers has announced an emergency meeting at Mar-a-Lago.

I haven’t felt this optimistic since the last time I was catastrophically optimistic.

I don't agree with this. Even though Elon Musk received over $38,000,000,000 in corporate welfare from the federal government, he should still be allowed to vote. Once. What he should *not* be allowed to do is to interfere with *our* votes.

It means the guy Alaskans are trying to get rid of.

My ideal relationship is two people who hate surprises, avoid crowds, and consider canceled plans foreplay.

Republicans in Ohio are spending millions promoting a socialist candidate, hoping he'll steal votes from Democrat Sherrod Brown. So in Ohio, confusing voters is a brilliant strategy. In Alaska, it's a five-alarm constitutional crisis.

Elon bought Twitter so nobody could stop him from embarrassing himself.

Obama didn't create Trump. Trump built his political career attacking Obama, and Republicans handed him the keys.

“It puts the ballot in the box or else it gets MAGA again.”

The norms we miss aren’t gone - they’re waiting for us at the ballot box.

Trump turned Sagan’s prediction into a reality.

No one riots quite like the French.

Eight years in the White House, and this might be Obama's finest line.

“Trump’s got the White House looking like Saddam Hussein opened up a Cheesecake Factory.” - Barack Obama in Ohio.

Democrats don't need to pay people to show up when it's someone worth showing up for - about half the line in Cleveland for the Obama rally with Amy Acton & Sherrod Brown. Clip credit, Brennan Leach of NBC News.

Thoughts and prayers for the dad’s knuckles.

Katie thinks the Constitution has a special exemption for people willing to kiss Trump's ass.

Trump declaring war on fraud is like Al Capone launching a campaign against organized crime.

Melania's safe word is "Donald.“

Jon Ossoff could make a Senate hearing on agricultural subsidies feel like the season finale of The West Wing.

We’ve gone from “Are you better off than four years ago?” to “Are you still alive?”

Me: “You were amazing last night. I didn’t want it to end and I want to keep doing it forever.” My bed:

Promoted and fired on the same day - even Katie Zacharia is impressed.

The Nobel committee could do the funniest thing in the history of marriage.

Florida Republicans paid a sham candidate named Alex Rodriguez to siphon votes from Democratic incumbent José Javier Rodríguez in 2020, when Republican Ileana Garcia won by just 32 votes.

Trump arriving in Fort Myers today.

Vivek Ramaswamy thinks childhood sexual abuse is a character flaw. Being a colossal asshole, apparently, is not.

Trump didn't cook the books. He deep-fried them.

America’s future is already sitting in our classrooms. K-12 students are majority non-White, and as they grow up, they’ll become a bigger share of the electorate. It’s America doing what America does: changing. Change isn’t waiting for our politics to catch up. It’s coming either way.

More bad news for MAGA. Thoughts, prayers, and a fresh shipment of congressional moving boxes.

Ohio isn’t going to elect Amy Acton because she was abused. It’s going to elect her because she has the courage, character, and decency to stand up to bullies, and she understands the difference between wielding power and serving people.

The *second* best thing about a James Talarico win would be how angry this annoying, interfering dork will be at not being able to buy a Senate seat for $200,000,000.

NEW AD: Have you seen these anti-Talarico attack ads? Elon Musk paid for nearly all of them. The world's first trillionaire knows if he drags the most corrupt politician in Texas across the finish line, Ken Paxton will owe him everything. Elon Musk: Texas is not for sale.