Dr. Twink, Vampire Slayer

Agreed to plans and now I have to show up

The owner who went to clown college painting and extra tear on their cheek tonight

"Does the White House have a comment on the recent SpaceX launch that exploded midair?" Nicki: Starships...

Plumping the gals

When the hot guy who ignored you for years has a glow down and is now all of a sudden friendly

Finally met up with bloomf!

Does anyone drive a Kia Niro if so is it good or nah

It's become a competition and they're both winning

Buying a car w/ the husband is just saying nothing while he says things like "We can't afford that, absolutely not." "I mean it's great. Should we get it?" "I love it, it's exactly what we want" "The price is way too high, are you kidding? No way" "Should we go back and get it?" About the same car

Who up driving their hybrid SUV and giving me their recommendations for a good hybrid SUV that won't put me in debtor's prison

Car shopping today wish me luck

Me in the corner alone at the orgy:

A Star Trek: The Next Generation episode where Picard and Crusher use the holodeck to go back to 2026 so they can doomscroll on a couch in the stark white living room of a condo, with no art on the wall, sipping their Stanley cups and waiting for their UberEats Taco Bell

Close enough welcome back 30 Rock

Gillian I'm here, Gillian I love you

Reaching the buy a gun and a bottle of vodka and drive into the desert phase of this election

Last night I had a reading of my comedy pilot Gooning and it went well! Most of my Janet McTeer jokes landed!

Don't know how to take a picture of my back part 3859203840209

This is either Gwen Stefani dressed as Cardi B or Cardi B dressed as Gwen Stefani

What's it like to be a gay who is also talented at something

How I feel exploiting my husband's Planet Fitness membership that includes a free guest every workout

Met a gay who didn't know about the Kelly Clarkson drama like is your phone made of wood? Is it a pretend Play Skool phone? Like do you only get online when you're using complimentary airplane wifi to watch The Big Bang Theory? How do you exist in the world as a homosexual?

Signing onto this knowing you have a 25% chance of dying under bizarre circumstances within 10 years, good luck to these actors

0-4 at billiards league again

Shoulder day but arm wanted to say hi

The reason Miley was so pressed about the criticism of her Friday show is bc it came from the 🚬s and if you lose the 🚬s you're fucked. She knows we're her paycheck for her eventual perimenopausal era, so hopefully she learns from this the way Dua Lipa learned from Go Girl Give Us Nothing

As a millennial I will defend our stupid culture till the day I die except for these fucking metal stools and chairs, they are torture devices. An invasive species of furniture that wreak havoc on asses. Whatever mason jar brewery first started using them committed a crime against humanity

Had this heavenly situation going and was about to nap and then a Karen Bass volunteer knocked on the door and ruined it so now I'm voting for Nithya Raman like five times

There's a local drag queen who is lovely but has no hosting skills and as my friend said "Not everyone is a triple threat. Sometimes you're a zero threat and that's okay"

Okay my therapist is GOOD and KIND and HOT oh we are getting HEALED healed

Do you disavow Miley's performance at the Hollywood Bowl on Friday night?

She starts therapy tomorrow

tfw when you go to a gay bar and are hanging out and all of a sudden there are drag performances and you're kind of held hostage by them

I feel like Expectations is the first out of the gate true pop bop in MONTHS. Washes away all the Stella Lefty/Ella Langley bs and the frustrating B-efforts from Miley and Ariana tbh

I miss third singles from an album. Now it's just a single and an album dropped and a couple weeks of zeitgeist and then we never hear from that album ever again

At no point in my life have I ever been what anyone wanted me to be and that's kind of hard to deal with!

The gay urge to leave a place that is fun and lively and easy to get a drink and go to a bar that is literally hell, we must examine this

You guys Dolly Parton is fucking dead how are any of us still alive

When bloomf doesn't follow back so you can't comment

Re: the covid vs now thing, transformations are great! It's cool when you've accomplished body stuff but its totally fine if you haven't or, like me, are too old to have traditional "glow ups" and are on a slow motion controlled demolition of your prime self, just trying to stave off total collapse

The cool thing about having the kind of anxiety where you worry everyone hates you at all times is that when someone is actually mad at you it feels like Chernobyl!