Simon

I don't want to get my hopes up about Talarico, even though he's infinitely more qualified for the job. But Texas is Texas. Beto was a better choice and lost by 5 points.

The NFL looked at this week's lineup of games and decided to put the 5-2 Browns against the 5-2 Steelers at 1pm instead of the night game so instead of they could show the 2-5 Eagles against the 1-4-1 Commanders. Got it.

Michigan asked a lot of Tommy Carr and he did fine. Gotta make your field goals. Michigan should have won that game.

At least they're getting the most qualified people.

For years now I've said something along the lines of I can't wait for my kids to be older and less reliant on me. Last weekend my youngest turned 5 and now I'm wanting them to be little again so they'll need me more.

Dude's already do very many wrong things.

Just when you think he can't be any more disconnected from reality. Nobody cares about America's past time?

Narrator: They didn't get Greenland.

I've been watching the weather in Cleveland and I gotta say I'm pretty surprised they haven't postponed this game.

This is such an awful idea and everyone at CFP knows it, but the amount of money they'll make showing games where the 1 seed blows the doors off the 24 seed is too good to pass up. So they're going to kill college football. 8 team playoff, max.

She's not going to. Republicans don't think the rules apply to them anymore, remember?

There's a scratch on my car, so I should go ahead and key it. What a fucking idiot.

Only Trump is allowed to make money off his own presidency.

This is my sports hot take: "Important" games, like championship games or whatever, that start at 8pm on a weekday are unnecessary. People who want to watch it will find a way to watch it. Start that shit at 4pm. Don't make us stay up late into the night.

Send them all to prison

I hope Ukraine fucks up Russia's oil supply. Fuck up the last piece of Putin's monetary empire.

I don't really play a lot of mobile/phone games anymore, but I still have a rule when it comes to them - if the title of the game contains a colon (:), pass. No good mobile game has ever had a colon in it.

I have unconditional support for Israel's right to defend itself. I just don't want them using my tax dollars to do it. Go fund your own wars.

Someone in the White House already ready to tell us we're taking it out context. The President of the United States telling enemies to shoot a missile at a US city.

I'll take something that won't happen over something that won't happen. It's not a hard choice.

Michigan needs to figure out the run game. Stop trying the fancy shit and run it down their God damn throat. And stop turning the ball over for the whole second half.

I guess we're calling PI on obviously uncatchable passes.

If the refs are gonna call THAT PI, it'll be a long day for Michigan

I think the thing that's missing in this whole thing is that Mike Tomlin would go home from practice/games with the Steelers and nerd out with some Minecraft.

Truly incredible that they're blaming Biden for the economy they crashed, almost 2 years after being elected.

Why not a guillotine? Let's just chop her fucking head off in public.

If you are a US Senator and cannot take the time to research the difference between the Atlanta Hawks and Iowa Hawkeyes, you should resign immediately.

"That's where I shit on the ground"

I love how "Sorry I was multitasking" is widely accepted in the corporate world as an alternate for saying "Sorry I wasn't paying attention."

Voters are mad at what you're doing, so you resolve to keep doing that if you get elected. I love the messaging. Keep it up.

I need someone at YouTube to explain to me why I'm seeing ads in videos as a premium user. What's the point of paying extra to not see ads if I'm still going to see ads?

To be fair, I wouldn't want to spend time with her family either.

It is a bad idea. That's why we don't do it.

Guy at work just told me he doesn't drink coffee because he doesn't like the taste. Brother, I don't drink coffee because I like the taste. If I could inject caffeine directly into my veins, I'd do that instead of coffee.

"The ban on the free press" is going to go really well in court.

WHAT

Unfortunately he didn't follow this with "And we found nothing because it's all bullshit"

Man how about some cheaper gas.

Glad he could confirm it wasn't on merit.

Imagine having to sit through and stomach 2 hours of Trump speaking because you don't have the balls to remove him from office because you're afraid he'll yell at you.

Republicans are the only ones thinking we're going to be destroyed by a nuclear weapon.

Yeah but you were in the stands, where a whiney 6th place finisher usually is while professional play sports.

I love how these people think so highly of America but think so lowly of everyone else at the same time, without thinking about how America does actually need these other countries.

Also I think we all would like to know what that replay review ref was smoking in that game because they did a shitty job the whole night.

The win is nice but Michigan is cooked next week unless they figure out a lot of shit on offense.

That was unexpected

If Bryce Underwood doesn't light Oklahoma on fire, Tommy Carr better start week 3.

Honestly, people who voted for a guy who doesn't know how a trade deficit works should have to take a test to prove they're smart enough to vote. He's so stupid.

She's about to start working in the White House.